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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
just some crazy work drama.
2019-04-08 @ 9:47 p.m.
i think it's pretty good that i learned how to cope with stress and how to stop taking on others' stresses because for the past 4 months, i feel like i've been watching boss have a nervous breakdown in slow motion. like, he's always been a really high anxiety dude, but at some point, something changed. i haven't quite yet figured out what exactly it was, like what event started this avalanche. i'm going to spend some time thinking about it so i can try to help him out, but even if i do he's so fucking stubborn he probably won't change. that's his #1 fatal character flaw. his second is that he's super impulsive and sometimes just gets this manic burst of energy and starts doing crazy random shit that has nothing to do with anything we're focused on right now. it's like, you can see him building and building up with stress and anxiousness, and then for a week he'll explode and just run around - literally, running around - doing and buying and saying shit nobody fucking asked for. there's like ... SO fucking much backstory that i truly wish i could give you for more context, but just as with the NOVEL i want to write about boy, i just don't have time for it. but like, feel safe in imagining a 50 year old man dashing around a parking lot, looking like a chicken with its head cut off, babbling incoherently. that's boss. and while you may think i kid, i assure you i do not. this has been slowly escalating since the (yet to be determined) "incident," but in the past 4 months more people than usual have been asking me if he's okay. it used to be kind of a joke, but it has become genuine concern. so we have always had problems with JC, even since before i worked here. but lately it's been so bad with him that this part of the business is actually losing money, which has never happened. (so like, boss runs all of these businesses that are somewhat related and are all in separate small buildings on our main location, which is where JC "runs" the biggest business mostly independently, but is still an employee of boss. then we have our other, new location which is much bigger and nicer and nearby.) anyway, so everyone, and i mean everyone in the neighborhood and everyone who works here, knows JC does shady shit. he often does trades with customers, gives away things that aren't his to give, is constantly late, away, going on vacation (i don't think he's worked a full month since i've been working here), but somehow always has shit tons of money but the business is posting a loss? JC is a thief is the open secret. that's boss's first problem. everyone in the world has told him the most obvious solution is to get another guy, but boss feels that "the devil you know" is better. he's so fucking stupid. but whatever. even getting into that is a huge thing. so he's keeping JC. okay. now what? well, since boss is the most passive aggressive fucking non-confrontational person ever, he decided in this latest manic fit that he was going to change all the locks, change the safe to a drop safe, re-program our keyfobs, secretly schedule AL and TS to several-hours long jobs at other places a couple days (so JC is left without any help), and tell all of the employees that mr. able is investing in the company as a favor and a loan to boss, who is in such dire financial straits, and there are going to be "big changes around here." when boss told me of this plan, i literally laughed in his face and left for the weekend. i said JC is never going to buy this story. why don't you just fucking CONFRONT this guy and get it over with!? (there is recent video footage of JC doing a huge secret side deal during hours, right on the property. yeah.) so sure enough, i come in today and everyone's like "oh my god, did you hear mr. able is now a partner? oh my god well if he starts doing x or saying y then i'm out of here." like, okay. you guys say that every week about everything. we'll see. JC was especially up my ass. everyone knows i'm boss's right hand but i learned very early on to play dumb. that way i don't have to answer any questions and i get to find out the scuttlebutt as the person i'm talking to will almost always speculate. sometimes i tell boss, sometimes i don't. but he knows whatever he tells me never leaves the room. same with mr. able. i'm a great secretary. JC said if boss or mr. able do x, then he's going to start looking. he's also always said that but like i said, i'll believe it when i see it. he knows no one else would let him get away with even a quarter of the shit he gets away with. but here's the rub. if he REALLY did quit, boss would be BEYOND fucked. right now boss is greatly neglecting the new location, which has insane potential but he's just letting it die on the vine over there. his nearby competitors, some of whom are his longtime friends, say they're so jealous of it but that he's fucking it up so badly. boss is too exhausted trying to babysit JC, always lurking around and trying to watch what he's doing that he can't give the appropriate focus to the new place. but that's causing the new place to fail, and he's losing money. but he can't be everywhere at once, and as we just found out a couple days ago, it only takes a minute for JC to do something he shouldn't. so then the old place is losing money. what to do? i feel bad for him, i truly do. but i'm not even going to let myself get upset about it. and i'm writing about all of this, and it seems like a lot, but only because i got home really late from work (boss was doing bills with JC, which was awkward as expected) and it's interesting to me. i spent all day cleaning yesterday, so i came home to a clean place and nothing really to do except hang out with my cat and write a little. i have some files i have to work on but i'll probably put that off because it's warm and nice tonight and i just want to lay on the couch and feel the breeze. i'm listening to the steady noise of the fan, there's a candle burning. some really leisurely beats playing on tv. i am warm, i am cool, i am safe. i have a lot of things to look forward to! also, i started taking magnesium supplements and holy shit do you want to know about the best sleep? the past 5 days or so have just been super. i don't need to set an alarm for work since i go in the afternoon, so i usually just wake up whenever unless i have an appointment or something. my natural clock wakes me up at roughly the same time every day, but since i've been taking the supplement i've been waking up about an hour earlier, feeling more rested than when i got 8 hours (i've been tracking my sleep for a month or so as well). it's really the best. would recommend. i wonder if it's the supplement helping me stay so chill in the face of boss's current meltdown? like i don't even feel affected by it. i am thinking of solutions, but it's not keeping me up at night. in fact, after i finish writing this i'm probably giving it my last thought for the night. now, on to my budget, a little bit of shopping on amz, and ... what the fuck did i do to my elbow? it's been sore all day but just this moment it became so painful it distracted me. when i was at work i thought it was because i lean on my elbow at this weird angle and maybe that's what's causing it. because every time i did it, i would hit that tender spot. but you'd think the pain would go away after you stopped doing it. and i've been doing it for years, why is it now suddenly so painful? did i pull or strain or sprain something? i don't think anything i did this weekend could have caused it. but it really feels like it did when i had lyme disease ... same elbow too. that, i would NOT recommend. but even if i did have lyme disease again, i'm still excited to keep doing whatever i'm doing, whatever i can. i feel like i'm catching up on so much. i'm even excited to go to bed now because i've never slept so well or felt so great in the morning. well, actually i did when i was on antidepressants. so this is the natural version of that, i guess. it just feels so good. i'm like, wow. if something as mundane as sleep is this good, i wonder how great my life can really be now. i truly used to feel as though i would be dead by now. as a teenager, i was sure of it. but the only thing that actually died was the part of me that felt that way. it's so strange. oh, almost forgot to mention - mr. able wanted to whisk me away to FL for an indeterminate amount of time to do some "teamwork" for one of his friends. boss said absolutely not, as though he is my keeper. but once i thought about it real quick i realized i would love the adventure, but mr. able is a guy who likes to operate right on the edge of the law and i'm not trying to get in any trouble. for real. i'm a 35 year old woman whose parents are just now beginning to see as responsible. i'm not going to fuck that up for a 60 year old man who wants to do some wild shit. okay well, i've spent much more time on this than intended! as usual. until next time. |