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“what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.” - andré malraux
"i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes
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thoughts on sex.
2010-09-24 @ 12:06 a.m.
he's coming down here on monday because he has an appointment, and he needs to give me some paperwork, and he wants to go out to dinner but i kind of want to surprise him by getting naked instead of getting dressed to go.
i was thinking about sex the other day (well, i think about it most of every day, but you know what i mean) and i was just thinking about how bizarre i find those people who aren't interested in it, or who wait to have it*, or whatever.
* and let me clarify before i go any further: wait to have it means people who have been in relationships for a while with the same person and are waiting for marriage. i can fully understand not randomly having sex with strangers, although i can't say i'm against it if proper precautions are taken.
sex is good. sex is really good. next to food, really good food, i think sex is one of the ultimate bodily pleasures. i masturbate often. yes, even though i have the boy. he does the same. even when he was living here, he would fuck himself in the shower, then get out and fuck me. perhaps we're both hypersexual or something? i don't know. but sex is an extremely important part of our lives, and our relationship. when we first started dating again, we had to have sex first before he could commit to being an official couple. i was not offended, i completely understood.
sex is something that needs to be practiced. i consider myself to be pretty excellent in bed, but it depends on who my partner is. you have to learn what your partner wants, what they need, and they have to learn the same things about you. so why not do it as much as possible? then once you know what you love, try to make it better and better? sex is as much of a hobby to us as it is a form of intimacy. if we're sitting around on a saturday and there are no good movies on, we'll just tear each others' clothes off. just like with any hobby one might have, from skateboarding to painting to gardening, who doesn't want to be really good at it? and have a really good time doing it?
occasionally i read mommy forums because i just like to confirm why i'm never having children, and one of the biggest topics on those boards is sex, or rather, the lack thereof. most, if not the vast majority of these women, are completely okay with not having sex anymore after kids. and if they do, it's a big fucking chore and they talk about it as though they're really being put out. jesus christmas. why even bother then? i feel horrible for their poor husbands. i'm one of those people who doesn't need to be "in the mood." i'll never be that annoying wife who's "got a headache." if he looks at me the right way, it's on. it doesn't matter. not having sniveling, shitting, needy little bodies around all the time will only make this 100% easier to accomplish.
finally, and what made me write about this anyway, was why i write about my sex life. and why so explicitly sometimes? i was thinking about this the other day, and i was wondering if it was tacky. but then i remembered that originally, my "audience" (back to that discussion about diary-keeping) was just myself, and in the end, it will still be just me. so why not? i can write about whatever the fuck i want to, and remembering some of those moments is important to me. sometimes, there is some intense intimacy there that i want to remember. we're always so honest in those moments after an orgasm. and sometimes, the sex is just phenomenal and i want to record it and remember it. because then, i can look back on it later, remember how hot it was, and get turned on all over again.
there's no shame in sex for me. i'm not embarrassed about it, and i don't think it needs to be something that's private and only talked about behind closed doors. i wish more people enjoyed life and were comfortable with their bodies and their sexuality. healthy relationships should include healthy sex and healthy communication. i guess that's yet another reason why the boy and i mesh so well: we're so open. about everything. nothing's off limits. and shouldn't that be the way it is?