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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
prostaglandins.
2012-08-26 @ 11:20 a.m.
i really don't want to be a damn hypocrite and hide things from boy, but i really don't want him to worry about me. and as i was typing that just now, i realized that that's exactly why he hides some things from me. ("some things" are in reference to his teeth, which i also just realized i never wrote about because of all of that other shit, but he was hiding how much pain he was in and that he had another abscess because he was afraid to go to the dentist, and he didn't want me to worry and start pressuring him to do it, because he knew i would.) and i know that if i tell him how unusually and incredibly painful this period is and has been (since day 1 - it's day 10 now and i am growing concerned, but there's nothing i can do about it), he's going to freak out. AND I KNOW. i want to say, but we already have so much we're stressed out about. i don't want to give you one more thing. but he will say, i care too much about you. you yelled at me about my teeth. i don't want anything to happen to you either. so i guess i'm going to suck it up and tell him when he gets home. i guess if it doesn't get better by wednesday or something then i'll go to the doctor. i think the hardest thing for both of us to get used to is having to think about someone else all the time. i wonder if that's what trips up a lot of people in serious relationships. we figured it out pretty quickly, for the most part anyway, but we communicate a lot better than most people (most people that i know, i mean) so we have an advantage. but jeez. life was a tiny bit easier before we always had to remember to run everything by our partners. easier, but not happier. i was driving, hadn't eaten all day, and was having some blood sugar issues. and there he was, sitting there stacking pepperoni and cheese on crackers for me so i'd have the perfect bite while i drove with one hand. i thought to myself, you know your boyfriend is great when he is willing to do dumb shit like this for you. as i was thinking it, smiling to myself, he said, thanks for humoring me [and taking this long, roundabout detour on my request]. i thanked him for feeding me snacks and said i was just happy to be with him. later, we were walking through a parking lot to a restaurant down near atlantic city last night, and i put my arm around him and he put his around me. i kissed his shoulder and he said all he wants in life is for me to be happy. he quoted a song whose title is my name, and smiled, and pulled me close to him, and let me tell you, i can't wait to marry this man. |