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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
bring on the winter, bring on the snow.
2018-10-25 @ 12:24 a.m.
over the weekend i took a drive, but i left too late (i slept in because it was one of those chilly fall mornings and my bed was just too good - no regrets) and didn't end up where i originally wanted to go. it was about mid-afternoon, and it was one of those partly cloudy fall days where the sun is low and shining horizontally across the trees, and cutting across the road, and it finally isn't humid so everything seems high contrast. many of the leaves had already browned and were starting to curl and turn that drab, dusty color that will remain until april. i was driving down a road that looked really familiar, and i started feeling serious deja vu, and i remembered that almost exactly this time last year i had been driving on this very road, feeling like jesse from breaking bad, experiencing a combination of hysterical relief and disbelief, and terror at the thought of facing the future. my electricity was off at the time, and it was starting to get and stay pretty chilly, and my mind was spinning wildly, hoping that i would have the amount needed for the reconnect fee in two weeks, before it was officially cold. i remember, i was so afraid, but also ... so light. so FREE. i'm sitting here tonight on my couch, my windows cracked, the heat creaking to life. my fat baby boy next to me sleeping. just now i heard the sound of an old truck scraping slowly down the road and thought about the coming winter, and the coming snow. last year i dreaded it. i lived alone, in that huge house. i didn't even know if i was going to have heat. as the winter descended and i got the electricity situation sorted out, i dreaded my commute, i dreaded having to shovel that long, long driveway by myself. i dreaded getting snowed in to that house, that development. it was miserable getting my car out of the driveway - when i was even able to - and then white-knuckling my entire drive to wherever i was going. this year, i already feel like a kid again. i'm excited for the snow, i'm excited to hear those plows coming. i'm excited to open my windows and see the wonderland of white. everyone i work with is now 10 minutes away. boss just bought a new truck with a plow attachment and a high tech snowblower to dig us out. i am warm and comfortable and safe and i have everything i need. now, i know if we get slammed with another 20 inches this year that i am 1/4 of a mile from the grocery store, 1/4 mile from the police station/fire house, even closer to several of my coworkers, even closer to actual work. i'm not stranded out in the middle of nowhere. i really need to go to bed now but it's just another thing to add to my list. every day gets better and better. every little thing. |