| profile entries archives refresh |
 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
checking in.
2021-04-21 @ 8:17 p.m.
ugh why does my musty ass never update!? i'm honestly doing fucking great and my life is so beautiful and blessed right now, probably because i stopped fighting against what i knew was right. it's amazing how the wrong person can lead you so astray. now i own every single one of my decisions, and i live so freely and honestly and in integrity now. there are no shitty consequences waiting around every corner anymore. i have been spending time doing things that i want to do. that's the one that gets me. i think about it all the time to myself. i can't believe, for the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, that i am the only one making decisions for me and i can just ... do whatever i want to do! it's incredible!! so i guess i'm not updating because i am, for the first time, actually living my life. i still spend a lot of time in my head, and i still struggle a lot with rumination, but overall, life is good. work is still great. boss is still great. something that is not great: fucking JC died! i wrote this huge entry about it when it happened but something happened to my laptop and for the first time in so long, my browser didn't cache the entry so it was lost. i'll write about it another time because it was actually really sad. but yeah, the virus got him. that is all. my brother also finally decided "fuck it" and followed his heart and is now SO happy at his new job. we get to talk so much now, and instead of him angrily ranting about work for two hours we talk about movies and books and video games and philosophy and shit. it's so great. he just made a huge adult purchase on his own, and my diligent work repairing my credit has paid off. we are doing it, and it feels so incredible. i started making some additional cash on the side, mr big is doing wonderfully and we are best buds, and aside from my parents still being fucking crazy, i have nothing bad to say. maybe i'll have a little more of substance to say another day, but i just wanted to check in. i'm alive, my grandmother is doing well(!!), and everything is good. i am happy and thankful, and i hope i'll be back soon <33 ps the keyboard on this laptop is really old and glitchy so please excuse any spelling errors, i smoked too many weeds earlier because also, WEED IS NOW LEGAL IN NJ! hallelujah amen. |