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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
your two faces.
2010-07-02 @ 9:36 p.m.
someone i know warned me about falling in love with a bipolar man. like falling in love and bipolar men are fucking messes enough by themselves, then we throw them together? and i realize yes, on some days, this person was right. some days, for days in a row, he's heartbreakingly sweet, tender, absolutely loving. reaching out to touch my face, to kiss the top of my head, to embrace me before he goes out to smoke. then other days, like today, his mood changes with the wind: laughing hysterically at some silly joke one minute, turning and shaking his head disapprovingly when i ask "what?" at some awkward face he makes at me the next. questioning myself, questioning what i've done when i know i've done nothing different. sometimes i wonder if he's afraid of being committed. it's been almost a year and he just realized it the other day. maybe it's just the stress of being together all the time. i still want to be his bride. i still want to wake up when i'm 50 years old and see his beautiful unshaven face next to me. i want to rub his sore back and look into his beautiful green-hazel eyes even when my own hands ache and i'm exhausted. i still want to take care of him when he's sick and when he's in a shitty mood. i don't like it, but i do love him. |