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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
weekend ruiner.
2011-07-12 @ 11:38 a.m.
my grandmother's birthday party was over the weekend, and everyone awesome was there. my favorite family members, my favorite friends, and even some people who don't usually show up. it was an absolutely wonderful time. bf brought his son, and though he was nervous that he was going to be shy and clingy all day, he was totally outgoing, running around and playing and roughhousing with my family and my brother's friends. it was really awesome to watch, and bf was so happy too, like "finally, he's learning to be independent." so like i said, the day was incredible. HOWEVER. the night was not. i had just taken a shower, and little A was in the basement watching tv while bf and i sat in the garage so bf could have a cigarette. it was about 10:15pm. bf went outside to go grab a new lighter, and when he returned, he poked his head in the garage and said, "um, [boy cat] is outside." immediately, i jumped up, in a panic, and said, "what??" i do not believe in having indoor-outdoor cats. all of my cats and my family's cats are indoor. i will not go on a long crazy rant about why allowing indoor cats to roam outside unattended and unmonitored is a terrible idea. i'm pretty sure you can already tell how i feel about it. simply put, there are far too many hazards to them out there, and because i love my kitties, i refuse to put them in danger. agree or disagree, whatever. i'm sure there's someone out there who would agree that allowing small children to play in traffic is a good idea too. so upon hearing that boy cat was outside, i jumped up and ran out there. he's gray, so before even seeing how far he had wandered, i was worried, because he would be nearly impossible to see if he wandered into the shadows or under a car. he started by darting across the front doors of all of the houses in my row, then when we managed to corner him and almost grab him at the end house, he turned and went back the other way. i thought it was going to be over when he got to the neighbor's house, because he would know he was close to home, but no. my fucking neighbor with her goddamned annoying fucking constantly barking dogs had her front windows open, and as soon as we approached her driveway, those fucking dogs started howling and going nuts. (SERIOUSLY, we come home from anywhere, and her dogs are both in the front window growling and barking at us. all hours of the day, constantly, without fail.) so boy cat got scared as hell, and as i tried to pick him up to take him home, 10 feet away, he was spooked and took off again. animals can sense your stress levels, so i was trying to keep it cool, but it was now like 10:30pm and i was getting upset. the last thing i wanted was for him to take off across the street or into the backyard behind my block of houses. a few times we had him, when he had slowed near a bush or the front of a car, but when we tried to grab him, he would bolt again. he went back toward the front door twice, but both times we couldn't catch him. the second time when he took off, he did the worst possible thing: he ran around the back of the houses. so it's 10:30 at night, pitch black outside, no street lights, and the fucking woods. the moment he turned the corner into the backyard, i just started freaking out. i'm trying to get bf to get me a flashlight but we don't own any, then i'm trying to get him to knock on a neighbor's door to ask for one. the one neighbor with the dogs was clearly home, and there were plenty of other people with lights on. i couldn't see or hear anything behind the houses and i was sure i had lost him. i was just running around, sobbing and yelling his name frantically. i didn't know if he was even still back there because it was so dark, so i ran back around the front in hopes he had found his way back to my door, and i see my neighbor's boyfriend outside with those fucking dogs!!! i was so enraged that now, if boy cat comes back around the front of the house, he would be scared away AGAIN because of these fucking dogs, but all i could manage inbetween my sobs and hyperventilation was to ask if he had a flashlight. he said no, of course, so i just ran back around the back into the darkness. bf comes back around from the other side and said he was sorry but he didn't ask for a flashlight because it was late. WHAT THE FUCK!? IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT FUCKING TIME IT IS. seriously, i was so upset with him. he did not understand that NOT looking for my cat was not an option. that if it took me all night, i would stay up and try to find him. cats are small and people are fucking assholes. he's never been outside. what would happen if he wandered into the street when someone was flying through here as usual? going fucking 60mph instead of 25, as people regularly do? the thought of possibly waking up in the morning and driving through my development looking for his body was also not an option. finally, in a random moment of clearheadedness, i remembered that i had an emergency crank flashlight in my glovebox, so i told him to run and get it. at the same time i was skulking around the back, dog neighbor's bf comes out and said that he looked but there really were no flashlights, but he had heard the sounds of a cat crying. as he was telling me this, i spotted boy cat behind HIS neighbor's air conditioner compressor. i ran for him, and he took off again toward the end of the block of houses. bf had caught up to me with the crank light so i was finally able to see where he was. i gained on him and was so close to grabbing him, but he bolted again. i thought it would be a good thing, and he'd run back around the front, but instead he ran into the woods. at this point i just lost it. i was crying and couldn't breathe, and i didn't know what to do. what if he ran all the way through the woods, out of my block? what if he was gone? he's had no collar or shots or anything because he is not allowed outside. at this point i was just feeling so stupid and careless and i was SO MAD at bf for not being as concerned or upset as i was. as he was telling me to stop crying because it wasn't helping, and i was going to tell him to go fuck himself, i heard meowing and ran over to the woods. i saw him in there, and i could hear his meow far away, and then closer to me. the trees rustled as he walked, and i finally knew where he was. i kept cranking the flashlight to see him, and then i realized that the sound of the crank of the flashlight was scaring him. i told bf to go in and get some wet and dry food when it sounded like boy cat was just kind of hanging around in the same spot. i didn't hear him talking anymore, so i cranked the flashlight briefly and saw that he was right near me, laying down. he ate some grass and shit and threw up a few times. bf got back with the food, and i called him and he moved around a bit in the trees, walked further away a few times, but finally settled in front of me again. i guess he was tired out or something, but he laid down and stopped wandering. i opened the can of wet food and he stretched his head out from under the tree he was under, but went back in. i shook the dry food desperately, but he didn't respond, and i just hung my head and took a deep breath because he was so close. finally, finally. i reached my hand out, under the low tree, and he realized it was me. he meowed at me and came out partially, and as he realized there was a can of wet food open, he came out all the way. bf was hissing, "grab him! grab him!" but we remember what happens when he gets spooked, so i waited a second for him to hunker down and really start eating before i grabbed him in my vice grip. he struggled, and i held onto his arm so hard that if he managed to get away from me, he would forever live with only 3 limbs. i could feel his heart racing and i was so happy i finally got him back. we went in through the back door and poor little A was so upset over all the commotion, and tried to ask me what was going on, and i just dropped boy cat and said to little boy, "i am very upset with him," and went upstairs to take a second shower. in the shower, i just bawled my eyes out. i felt like i was having a panic attack. i couldn't breathe, i was hyperventilating, my heart felt like it was beating erratically, and i was just shaking uncontrollably. there are some people who think that people who love their animals are being ridiculous, and that we're trying to fill some void or we have trust issues or we can't relate to other humans or blah blah blah. and that may be true of some people. but i'm just a person who loves my family, and my cats are part of my family. they deserve just as much consideration as anyone i know, and maybe even more when you consider how fucking terrible some people are. everyone's like "oh it's okay though! at least you got him back! why be upset?" but let's suggest to the same person that we relive that entire scenario, but it was their 2 year old child who got out. not so funny anymore, huh? that's exactly how i felt, and still feel about the whole event. so that pretty much ruined the weekend. boy wanted to get naked and put little boy to bed early, but i was absolutely not in the mood saturday or sunday. i am never not in the mood, but that did it for me. now this week is here and boy is back in work mode, exhausted by 7pm. sigh. but at least my baby boy cat is okay. |