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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
feeling safe and unafraid.
2011-12-27 @ 8:04 p.m.
it's been a really great week. there are these multiple flashes of complete and total good feeling. my brother, his wife, my cousin, boy, and me, all together wrapping presents in each part of my huge basement. separated by a couch, we carried on our own silliness and activities on each side. my family, my best people, together. my heart was just overcome. and then it's christmas eve, but just passing midnight, and i'm so tired i practically had to be carried to bed, and he's laying there with his hot leg attached to mine, and with these lusty eyes comes nakedly sliding over to my side of the bed, kissing and stroking me awake, telling me he'll keep me warm but he does it with his body. and christmas morning with little A for the first time, and then cooking a ton of food that everyone wanted the recipes for, someone saying, "you missed your calling," and someone else saying, "there's always time," and later opening a million presents for me. and i said, "why did you guys get me so much stuff?" to everyone, and they said back, "because everyone thinks you're awesome." and my heart felt at least 10 times lighter than it has in a while despite everything else. and now, days off together, boy getting home early and playing video games while i type in the background about how wonderful he is. and how completely fulfilled i am. and now i know i need to follow my dream. i know what life feels like when i am completely content. the desire to move, to be awake, to do. hours feel like mere minutes. i have to figure out how to make it happen all the time. i am going to believe. |