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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
this love is work, but it is effortless.
2012-11-19 @ 5:54 p.m.
boy didn't have to work tonight! he started my day off with an amazing love text, then called to tell me that during lunch. so happy. so we'll all get to enjoy an evening together of lounging and gaming after my busy day of all laundry. we have an amazing dinner planned, too. life is great. i love him so much. he is so good to me. i am such a lucky person to have him. he gives me so much. i mean, of himself. i think about that so much lately, how i hold every part of his heart, because he shows it all to me. so many others i was with always kept at least some part hidden away. and i am sure he thinks that about me sometimes, because i am so inside myself. he still hesitates sometimes when he wants to do or say certain things to me because i am so reserved. he's very sensitive to making me feel uncomfortable, which i appreciate so much about him. and he has become a nearly expert judge of how i am feeling. so between us, i don't think i am hiding from him. i do my best, anyway. he knows. he knows that i have a hard time, and that's all that matters. with others, there was always a sense of unease, a sense of not being on the same level, a sense of eventual termination. most people in doomed relationships know that feeling, that constant sense of bracing yourself for the day it will all fall apart, because you know it will. as much as i loved THE ex, and the one before him, and the one before him, as much as we talked and fantasized about the future and when we were married, we both knew deep down it wasn't going to happen. maybe it was just me, i don't know. if only i could read minds. but what i do know is that for us, there is no dark cloud in the forecast. it's like, we can't be without each other, so whatever comes, we'll figure it out together. we still look at each other and smile. it's how i know this is right. |