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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
so loved and so thankful.
2012-11-23 @ 12:26 p.m.
thanksgiving was absolutely amazing. everything went so well, except for psycho. wednesday i went shopping for the rest of the stuff i needed, then came home and started cooking at 1, not finishing until about 7. just straight cooking! i think i made 7 or 8 things, and was smart to put everything in those disposable foil pans so we didn't have to [try to remember to!] bring back all of my nice baking dishes and stuff. so anyway, fucking jackass had picked little A up in the afternoon (she was supposed to pick him up at 4:30 and showed up at 6:30 instead, knowing that we needed him to be home by 8 so we weren't driving in the middle of the night). boy asked if she could just bring him back home, and she said she didn't feel like it. boy even offered to give her gas money, since she said she didn't have enough gas, and she still said no. so he says okay, i'll meet you then. then she changes the time to 9. so boy gets there at 9, and this asshole shows up at 10:15. REALLY DUDE!? we were both so disgusted, because really, it was clearly intentional, she was just bitter that she didn't get to have little A for thanksgiving. so juvenile. so we fucking leave at 11pm, and end up getting down to my dad's a little after 2am, then made it to bed around 3 after getting the car cleared out and the food stored away. thanksgiving day was so great. we gave little A this lego set my mom got for him so he would have something to do, and the rest of the day was solid cooking until it was time to actually eat it. little A and my dad got along great (as we were leaving, little A says, "seeya stepgrandad!" aww.), my brother's new girlfriend is great, life is so, so, good. the only super ... weird? awkward? thing about yesterday was my stepmom, who still lives there, despite having taken all of her stuff and boxed it up. she stays in her room ALL DAY, won't speak to my dad for the most part, and still is trying to pursue his retirement and a ton of money each month for alimony, and his car and stuff. (she has never worked or contributed to the household financially in any way.) so like, all of that is pretty fucking cutthroat, and you might be able to understand it if the relationship just went bad and that was that. but my dad is trying to go to therapy, is trying so hard to work it out, to understand what even happened (stepmom, like daughter [brother's ex-fiancee, remember?], just picked up and "left" and has offered no explanation for why or what made her want a divorce), and she's just like ... nope. brick wall. not interested in talking or explaining anything, just want all of your stuff. and if that's NOT her motive? she's doing a terrible job of convincing anyone otherwise. so here's the thing. this woman is actively trying to fuck my dad out of so much that he's worked so hard for. she is the reason my brother was on the verge of killing himself some months ago. she continues to live in my dad's house even though she's taken a lot of his stuff and turned off most of his services, and refuses to speak to him so he can turn them back on. and this woman really comes out of her room yesterday and has the nerve to hug me!? it was one of those moments where i was just like ... what is even happening right now. i've never felt so uncomfortable or confused in my entire life. like i understand she and i don't have any direct beef, but you really think i'm going to continue to be cool with you after everything you've done to people i love? after everything you're still DOING? she packed up most of the kitchen, so there were like barely enough plates for everyone to use for dinner (we had some last minute guests), and then has the nerve to come out while we're all eating in the dining room and start to eat our food!??? what the fuck, man? i was just so taken aback. but trust me, i didn't let his asshole ruin our holiday. because even though that shit happened, boy and i were standing there on the deck, looking out into the backyard, and the woods, and it was so quiet, and everything was so calm. i wrapped my arms around him from behind, and he said that he was so happy, and everything was perfect, it was a perfect day, and he was so happy we were there. that he couldn't believe life worked out like this. and he was touching my little hands, and i was kissing his shoulders, and i said that i couldn't believe we were here. that we were together. i said, "how did we know [back then]?" and he said he didn't know how, but he knew. and i loved him so much then - i love him so much all the time, but then - he sounded so sure. he just said, "i knew." it was such a beautiful moment in my life. i have never felt so safe or happy or loved.
we left around 7:15, because boy passed out after dinner (apparently it doesn't matter where he is), and got home around 10:15. as we were approaching the house, boy asked, "are you going to make it? are you going to fall asleep? do you need me to stop at dunkin or something?" and i said no, i'm just really tired. he said, "well, i'm not gonna lie, i'll be a little mad if you fall asleep on me." and i was like hah, hate to tell you, but i've been a little mad a lot of nights lately, so if it happens, it happens. luckily, it didn't. i took a great shower, came to bed, smoked a little with him, and we started fooling around. it's been like 2 weeks!! so i was really raring to go. i'm on top, we're listening to great swing on pandora, and suddenly there was this huge boom and rumble. the house shook! i wasn't particularly alarmed, because for half of my life i lived 10 miles away from a military base where they were testing and practicing all the time, so the sound of a landmine, or machine gunning is not startling at all. but this was more like ... thunder? we looked around, and listened for a moment to see if little A was disturbed, but he wasn't, so we continued on our business, which was amazing. i completely soaked that bed, and him, he came for what seemed forever, and i fell off and immediately passed out. i mean OUT. i woke up at 4:30am when his alarm for work went off to pee and put my clothes back on. so crazy. so today, i woke up, talked to my mom, and sent little A off with his mom. she called this morning to ask if he could go with her for the weekend, and since boy has no plans except for playing the new assassin's creed until he can't stand it anymore, i made the executive decision and said he could go. so i've got the house to myself this afternoon, talked to best friend for a while earlier, and have an amazing dinner coming up later with boy (we're going back to that far away sushi/thai place i wrote about last weekend!!). i'm so excited, and i'm so happy. so so happy. ohh!! and i forgot to say: after checking the internet this morning, it turns out we had a little earthquake last night! that's what the rumble was. kinda great that that's what we were doing when it happened. ha! there are still a lot of things that are shitty, but it's a much better use of my time to be happy and thankful for and appreciative of the good things. there are so many good things, if you really look. |
