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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
done up.
2017-05-22 @ 10:45 a.m.
my "style" is pretty much designed to be super cheap and simple for me to put together, versatile (a lot of my outfits can double as casual and professional depending on shoes and accessories), and flattering (since i've come to accept i'm going to be one of those people whose weight constantly fluctuates). once i started developing this wardrobe (like 2-3 years ago is when i really locked it in), i started getting a lot of compliments and most importantly my body felt comfortable in the outfits whether i was fat or thinner, so it just became my thing. and boy liked the change too so that's a bonus. so i don't remember if i wrote in here about last summer when i wore this red pencil skirt? random guys were just losing their minds over it. it was so weird because i felt the rest of the outfit was kind of frumpy, but at the time those were just the clothes that were clean and i figured the skirt would help "elevate" the overall effect, if you know what i mean. i thought it was so weird because nothing else really changed about my appearance, like my hair wasn't particularly awesome or anything, i wasn't wearing any special makeup, it was really just the skirt (which i bought from the thrift store, lol). so due to the hair falling out situation (yeah update: it's not falling out anymore but it's hair so it's taking forever to grow back in, i went with the cool headwrap/hat/turban method) i've been wearing eyeliner and lipstick more often to balance out the plainness of my face. on friday, i knew it was going to be like 90 degrees outside and i knew that i was going to see boy later, so i wore a comfortable & cool black and white outfit, and since my hair looked like garbage the only thing i could do to dress myself up was wear bright red lipstick. i got to work and all of the guys were just going crazy about it. one of our vendors, this adorable older guy who's always seemed like he had a little crush on me, came in and was like oh my god! you look so great today. wow. i was hit on multiple times at the different places i went. a really old white dude at the DMV was literally leering at me. that was flattering but creepy. but there were so many smiles, so many nods, from a lot of men but women too. this was all just so weird to me. like, when you have been fat and you lose weight, you really do see how differently people treat thinner people. it's depressing how pronounced it is. so right now i'm at the higher end of my lifetime range, but i was definitely getting the attention that i did as a thinner person. just over lipstick? people are so fucking strange. i hate that there's this disgusting undercurrent that you're not worth anyone's time unless you look "good," whatever that is. but now i'm about to open a whole can of worms that i don't have time for. |