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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
retail therapy.
2019-01-04 @ 11:59 p.m.
um, it's me again. i got most of the things i ordered for myself for christmas and i'm just so excited!! first, i ordered one of those things you plug into your cigarette lighter and it connects to some off air radio station, and then to your blutooth, so you can play music (and take calls, but i don't need that shit) through your car's radio. when i go driving, i have the constant issue of driving over any minor bump in the road and my aux cable shaking loose from my phone. i don't know if it's the cable or the phone, but every time it is even minutely disturbed, pandora pauses itself, the volume level resets, and i have to pull over to find that perfect sweet spot that the cable/phone needs to maintain a connection until the next bump. it's SOOO annoying and really ruins the mood sometimes, especially when i'm in a beautiful area but on a challenging road with no shoulders. my charging cable (or maybe my phone) is having the same kind of issue, so BOTH of those things happening on a trip is just the absolute fucking worst. (not to mention how awesome it is to be in the middle of nowhere with a dead phone because you thought it was charging the whole time but it wasn't!!) so i spent probably more time than i should have while i was at work researching the right device, and found one that seemed to also have a high ratio of very good reviews. and let me tell you, it turned out to be perfect! does everything i need, amazing sound quality, has a fast charging port, sd card slot (definitely going to load this up with my all time favorites), and was indeed super easy to set up. i came inside from the car and felt giddy with excitement about my next trip. probably in a couple of weeks - i didn't work much around the holidays*. i also needed something for afternoon tea time. everyone goes to DD every day so i usually just get a giant cup of tea because those foam cups stay hot for like two hours, and their green tea is pretty good. but fuck, it's like $80 a month on hot water and tea bags if i work 2 or 3 saturdays like i normally do. so i got myself a semi-expensive imported mug with a locking top and an advertised 6 hours of heat/cooling. i'm like okay, whatever but the reviews were stellar. so i ordered that and an electric kettle, which is adorable and works great so far (based on my two tests). i figured i'd test the mug, too, so i poured one pot into it and sealed it up. then, i went into the bathroom to test the tub stopper i needed because the guy who installed my tub did it wrong. i was worried it was going to be too small because it came in two sizes and i was too lazy to measure before buying it, so i put it in there and started filling the tub past the point i did last time to make sure that it sealed and stayed sealed. the tub was about 1/5 of the way filled, and i was feeling the steam on my hands and looking at the clean shower, and i was like, hey what the hell. take a bath. you deserve it. so i poured in some bath salts i made years ago and a little bit of body wash for bubbles. soaked and listened to my favorite album start to finish. took a quick shower to rinse off the salt and oil residue. lotioned my entire body with this wonderful smelling stuff my mom gave me for christmas. i felt (still feel) amazing. went to check on the mug - it was still boiling hot, over an hour later. niiiice. did a little bit of gaming, played with my little dude, came here to express my excitement over my purchases. while i was bathing, my mind wandered back to talking with my brother. he said that he did a lot of the shit he did because he never thought he was going to be alive as long as he was. he said at first, he didn't think he'd make it to 18, then 21, then 25, etc. and that now he really wants to actually live and enjoy his life and his time and what he has, despite everything. and i thought that was really funny, because despite how insanely different we are, that is another one of our core similarities. i never thought i would make it either, for different reasons. but i too was shocked on each of those milestones. inside, i was always thinking, "holy shit. i'm still alive right now?" and i feel the same way about life now. i feel i've settled in. like, into myself. i'm finally at a place where i'm excited, not afraid, about what's to come. * i put that star up there because to introduce this would have derailed my "organization" in this entry but i didn't want to forget it: i took off a lot of days around the holidays, which is why i didn't work much. like i said, i'm trying to enjoy life and i knew i would be getting some christmas money so i took off a lot of days to hang out and also feel that i had recharged. when i came back a couple days after christmas, it was my pay day, and not only did boss give me that awesome gift but paid me extra because "i know you're broke this week." i was like lol yeah you're not wrong. it's been not super winter cold, but chilly and kinda wet lately, and i come in and boss has turned on my heater for me to warm up my seat. he does little considerate shit for me and i appreciate it so much. his birthday is next week and i special ordered him a really nice cake. i know that's going to start a lot of shit talking but i don't care. he does have an idea, but he doesn't know the extent to which he has affected and truly saved my life, and i'm bad with words so i hope he understands with this gesture. i wanted to write him a card but i think his wife would probably take it wrong. anyway, i'm really excited about doing stuff and getting bonuses and being appreciated for my work and my dedication to "the empire" as i like to call it, and all of the plans i have for the future. and i'm really thankful for the ability to sit here and buy shit that i don't need for the first time in a long time. i could feel my stomach churning when we had a shutoff notice for the water laying on the counter and boy was sitting there, shopping on amz. i would say, you know, we can't really afford that right now, and he would yell at me that he was just looking, and what do you think would be sitting on the front steps in a few days? god, that hurt so much. that he just didn't care. but let's not get taken down that road. i'm thankful that it is no longer my course. and i am thankful that he didn't try to take my baby boy away, who is snoring loudly beside me, twitching and dreaming little cat dreams. wow it's so late! goodnight. i came back to edit this to say that i just checked the mug again and it was still near boiling hot. it's been a solid 4 hours, maybe a little more. totally worth it! ok now i'm really going to bed. |