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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
my dysfunctions.
2008-11-06 @ 7:07 p.m.
i've been told that i'm incredibly aloof. and cold. that i exhibit extremely anti-social behaviors. i am extremely distrustful of people. i don't express my emotions well, or at all. i guess that's why i don't feel anything anymore. i think it all happened after d left me. i closed myself up so much that nothing comes out. i'm locked so inside of myself so much of the time that it's hard to remember sometimes if i've spoken out loud. it's hard for me to imagine hurting more than i did then. it still causes me pain. it causes my back to ache and my chest to get tight. i was i was capable of being normal again. i wish i was able to trust and not hurt. i must always be in control. when i am not in control, i panic. i wish i knew when i'd be able to carry on a normal relationship again. i wonder if ever. i wish this one didn't know so much about me by simply asking. he can read me like a book. it's scary. i want to hold back, but i just can't. |