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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
just a little bit of time.
2008-11-15 @ 8:00 p.m.
sometimes i wonder if when i talk about things, it makes them not come true. i'm having a fantasy about this man - i'm dreaming about him. when i see him in person, i want to touch him. i don't know if my desire is clouding my judgement, and if my feelings are reciprocated. it's hard to tell, since he's so sweet to everyone. but that's why i want him so badly. he's sweet to everyone. my favorite fantasy is us having an intimate dinner together, just like the intimate lunch we had a few weeks ago. we're close and we're both kinda buzzed so we're being silly. we're in one of those booths at a restaurant that's a semi-circle, and we're both all the way on the inside, right next to each other. we're having some kind of intellectual conversation, and he's wowing me with his wit and incredible intelligence, as usual. our banter is very thinly veiled sexual innuendo, and it's getting hard to breathe because he's so close and he smells so delicious. i'm leaning forward and laughing at him and he's watching the way my lips leave a little print on my glass. sometime between now and the next day we end up in bed together. my brain hasn't yet worked out the events that lead up to this, but it's sexy. for me, it's not really the potential sex that turns me on so much. with him, it's the way he looks at you when he's talking. he turns his whole body to you. he likes to be close, well within the usual 3 feet that is generally acceptable personal space. he listens to you like what you're saying matters, even if he disagrees or thinks you're a complete idiot. if anything, i would be company. and what lonely man doesn't like a little bit of company? i'm trying to will it into being. i don't think i've done anything bad lately to block it. in fact, i think this is the most honest and patient i've been for a long time. i've given so much of myself in these past few months. i don't want anything from him but time. just a little bit of time. |