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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
it`s nice, it`s really nice.
2008-12-29 @ 8:29 p.m.
it's hard to stop thinking about him. when it's cold and i'm tucked into my bed, alone, and even when i'm not there, my mind inevitably wanders and settles on him. there he is, pale and soft-skinned, his hair dark and shiny and smooth, a little bit wavy. i can still feel the day that he walked behind me and wrapped his arms around me and pressed his head against my face. i could feel his hair against my cheek, silky like a child's. i can feel all of those glances: when i'm walking down the hall and he stops to walk with me, when i'm reading and he's watching me instead of following along, when i'm talking to someone else and he's looking at me. we pass each other and i feel him - he touches my arm or my back or my shoulders. softly. affectionately. and then i can feel him again, recently, just a week ago. we knew we wouldn't see each other for a week or so, and i was standing there, trying to block people from leaving, and before he passed, he grabbed me and hugged me big and hard, rocking me a little bit, his chest to mine, my hands flat on his back. i know i shouldn't but i do, and i did. it's nice, it's really nice. i want it to go somewhere even though i know it can't. i want ... i want to stand with him in the semi-darkness. i want him to lean in to hug me, but instead of pulling away i'll slip my hands down to his waist and look up at him. he'll look down at me, and i know he will think about it; he'll wonder what to do. but then he'll realize what my eyes are saying - that if we don't do it then, we'll never be able to. and he'll kiss me, unsure at first, then much more confidently. i'll have to tear myself away from him to tell him how dangerous it is. he'll want more, but he won't be able to have it. i'm sorry. i can't help myself. it's electrifying. it's been forever since i've been pursued like this. |