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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
i will not cry.
2010-05-16 @ 5:54 p.m.
i knew that everything that seemed too good really was. i am glad i have built this wall around my heart, because it's times like now that i need it. i am glad that instead of being shocked and surprised, i can shake my head and be surprised that it didn't happen sooner. i was still shocked though that it came when it did. he left me today to go back home, and when he got there he told me that my weight "REALLY" bothers him and he has been holding it in for a long time since he fell in love with my personality. in fact, he said the only reason he hasn't told me he loves me yet is because of my weight. and yes, he freely admits how shallow and ridiculous it is of him to say that, but he just wanted me to know that it's an issue because he doesn't want to lose me. so now, here i am left to decide whether i'm going to start working out for myself (because i have known for a while i need to lose weight) and for the sake of our relationship, or if that's even a fair deal to make. i understand you need to be attracted to your mate, but why now? why wait so long? i have actually lost 20 lbs since we started dating. will i ever feel the same around him again? does he truly love me and he doesn't want this to come between us, or is this just an exit? you know, just getting one foot out the door ahead of time? i wish i wasn't looking for another job so i could just smoke some weed and stop being upset about this. no man in this world is worth my tears and anxiety. i'm not going to cry for him, i'm going to decide. |