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�what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
love. just love.
2010-11-01 @ 12:27 p.m.
i don't even know where to begin. perhaps i should put it in blocks by day? friday saturday so that's exactly what we did. he came home and packed the hookah with "white berry" (the guy actually looked at him like he was an asshole when he said "white fairy") and we smoked a little and ate dinner. again, fantastic. i outdo myself. we went back and smoked more, and i massaged him, a lot like i did when i was up at his house last week. he was making these crazy sounds, and telling me how wonderful he thinks i am and how happy he is with me. we were talking some kind of silly nonsense, and he kept saying that i'm the only person he knows who could appreciate his weird sense of humor and his stupid jokes. i said something along the lines of, "well what i like is that you're so ridiculous and weird and kinda lame and you're not afraid of it," and he said, "you don't understand. i couldn't even have a conversation with some of the girls i used to date." we were all lovey-eyed at that point, so we went upstairs and i immediately jumped on him and had to have my way. he came really hard, and quite a lot, and it was everywhere. all over me, him, my chocolate brown couch. of course i licked him clean, but my couch is a different matter. i guess i'll address that today. we ate some cake, played some wii, then headed to bed. sunday then we started talking about how we even met in the first place, because neither of us could remember. like, he remembered our first kiss ever, which he actually said he could never ever forget. he said he could never ever forget me, even as he was going through the motions for all those years. he said i was always there, in the back of his mind. i'm the only one he kept there no matter what. we went back in time, trying to remember our first encounter. i remembered the first time i realized i thought he was cute - we were both out with groups of friends back in high school, and our separate groups ran into each other and stopped to talk. i remember asking someone later what his deal was - he had blue hair and i hadn't seen him before in school, and someone told me he was a neo-nazi who was just back from rehab for a heroin addiction. i was kind of disappointed to hear that, but i kept running into this guy in school and he seemed really nice. he remembered us hanging out at a party at a mutual friend's house as the first time we really talked, and he was probably right about that, but i don't remember the party well. then we pieced together the evolution of our relationship and the resulting destruction of the relationships we abandoned for each other, the prom we wanted to go to together but couldn't, and the reason we broke up and lost contact for 7 years. a lot of blanks were filled in, and we realized just how powerful love is - and how powerful true love and that kind of soul bond that people talk about can be. he told me about his years of regretting what he did to me to cause our breakup, and how the letter that i sent him randomly, about 4-5 years into not having seen or heard from him, reignited this spark and yearning and made him realize that there was something there, something really important, that made him unable to forget me. it was really intense. just to see that look in someone's eyes, that look of absolute certainty that you belong in their life. he said, "wow. so we must have first met when we were 16, right?" and i said yeah, and he said, "i think we need a little time apart. we're 11 years into this thing!" we went out and did our thing (didn't find anything we were looking for, by the way. what we DID find, however, was a beautiful, huge oil painting of angels and ladies bathing and lounging, but where their faces should have been were small black and white magazine cut outs of angela lansbury's face. wtf?), and returned much later and were sitting around smoking again. i was running to the door to serve trick or treaters, and when i came back at one point, he was just sitting back in the chair and smiling at me, this warm amazing smile. and i said, "what?" and he said, "if we're together for a really long time, i'm going to get a chocolate cupcake tattooed on my ribs." and this slow, wonderfully happy smile started growing on my face, and he smiled that smile that says everything in the world to me, and i said, "can it have a cherry on top?" and he told me, "of course. i've had this planned out for a long time." i don't even notice anything else when i'm with this man. it's like everything is right in the world, just for a couple of days. my soul seems at ease. i am fulfilled and perfectly happy. really. if i had died last night, just before he had to go back home, i wouldn't have minded. |