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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
facebook is ruining our lives.
2010-11-03 @ 12:52 a.m.
one of my lj friends posted that none of her friends blog anymore, and i responded, "i know what you mean," but i felt a little bit guilty because i sort of left my very public life on lj to post mostly very private things here. i didn't mean to do it that way, but as things became more and more intense with the boy, i began feeling uncomfortable posting them there because many of my readers were business acquaintances. you know how you dance the line sometimes. one of the best parts of livejournal is the ability to make multiple friends groups and post things to only certain people, but i always felt bad that some people were left out and when i would make a passing reference to something super personal, they were like "wait, what happened with x?" and then i was like ugh, i suck! this is so rude of me! so anyway. like everyone is on facebook. which is cool, because i am on facebook as well. but it seems that facebook and twitter (the most useless thing ever invented unless you are super famous, in newscasting, a business, or work for a major television network) have taken over personal interactions. we used to give a shit about each others' lives. now we're reduced to liking or retweeting the important milestones our "friends" are feeding us. we have more friends than ever, but we know little to nothing about them. we haven't seen them in years, if at all. the tenuous connection we had via actual blogging has been cut completely by rapidfire nonsense and vacuous "updates" on these "social media" sites. when boy and i started dating, a couple months into it, i friended him on facebook but he did not reciprocate. sure, he is a total technophobe and never ever uses facebook or twitter, but i thought that, as a gesture, he would add me back. months passed and he still had not, but i noticed he was adding other people (not many, just his very close friends from high school). i got a little bit crazy and sort of started stalking his fb, wondering why he wouldn't add me back. was he up to no good? secrets he didn't want me to know? then one day we were just talking about fb in passing and he told me how much he hates it, and how much it complicates things. he said no one really needs to know his every move, or any of his business, and the people who do either already know it or will be told by him personally. still, i felt a little bit hurt, until a few things happened: his ex-wife currently stalks him on facebook, and when he changed his "looking" status to say that he was only looking for friends and networking a few months into our relationship, she called and left like 29 messages (literally.) on his voicemail asking who the hell was he dating and he was a loser who left his family and she must be a fucking slut and he loves fucking random whores more than being with his son, etc etc forever. every time he added a new friend, she was all over it. when he got a new phone and activated the fb app, she called asking how he could afford a new phone but can't afford to come see his kid every five seconds. so he got to the point where he stopped posting anything on there at all. i was looking up my ex boyfriend (the one before boy; the one i was with for 4 years, pretty much engaged to until he very abruptly left me) just to see what he's up to, since he suddenly cut off all contact with everyone he used to be close with (even his best friends from high school. it was strange). apparently he just got married to this girl who my best friend hates, who used to be engaged to a good friend but cheated on him and pawned the ring for dope money, who used to steal from and betray all of her female friends back in the day, and who had numerous extremely awkward encounters with my boy back then too. this girl was a real skeezer. boy told me that he wouldn't touch this girl with a ten foot pole, knowing what he knows about her. and poor, naive ex just got married to her? i hope she's changed her ways. but i wonder how much a sociopath can really change. i looked up this other guy, this guy i had random sex with occasionally, and saw that he is finally in a relationship of some sort. then i wondered, i hope he wasn't in a relationship all of those times he called me up to meet him in a motel or a playground or something. and then i thought, how can any girl be attracted to this guy? his penis was so small. like, comically small. i always tell stories about it because it was a legend. the archetype of inadequacy. but most importantly, i saw how he's looking lately and i was like jesus christ. what i was i thinking? finally. back to my boy. i noticed i had been unfriended by someone, but i didn't know who and didn't particularly care. slight time passed, i looked at his fb as i occasionally do, and i see a wall post to him: "hey baby, how you been?" and i'm like wtf? but then i realize he's listed as single. but i went to look at her profile to see if he'd responded, and i wasn't a friend anymore. THEN, i realize that i've been posting updates using his name and posting a couple pictures of us together, and that this little dirtbag unfriended me so she could hit on him undetected. well you failed, bitch, because his wall is visible to anyone. i just thought that was SO tacky, but then i realized that fucking stalking his fb is even tackier. did i even write what i wrote about this weekend? does my brain realize that this man loves me more than almost everything in the world? that our future has been planned as an "our" future? he doesn't want that skanky ho. he wants me. it's stupid to even analyze. and that's what he meant by "it complicates things." he's right. why add an extra layer to something that's already under control? it's already managed. there is no need to tinker anymore. i think that goes for a lot of people, if they would just let it happen and let it go. but we're all voyeurs, aren't we? |