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�what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux

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crazytime.

2010-11-05 @ 2:58 p.m.

it's crazytime. depressiontime, moodytime, paranoiatime, doubttime, secondguessingtime, anxietytime. every month, the same thing.

i'm glad i actually got my period a little bit this month so that i knew that crazytime was coming. i'm trying to work my way through it right now, but i'm definitely upset. my thoughts, as they always are at this time of the month:

- what if he suddenly stops loving me?
- what if he doesn't want to be with me anymore?
- what if he's been cheating on me with someone else?
- is he getting tired of me? what if, instead of calling me like he does every day, he decides he doesn't feel like it or doesn't need to? doesn't want to?
- how long do people stay in relationships these days?
- why is he being so weird on the phone (he probably isn't; i'm usually making it up)?
- what if i can't lose weight?
- what if i never find another job?
- why can't i stop my thoughts racing, and this horrible anxiety?

every month. every fucking month! i hate this. i wish there was something for it, but i don't want to take medication for something that's actually manageable. i just wish i could stop it.