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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
ugh.
2011-02-28 @ 2:33 p.m.
today is one of those miserable days. it's wonderfully warm outside but it's raining. i looked out just now into the driveway and realized i left my window halfway down yesterday, so it's been raining into my car all night and all day today. my period is fucking my life, causing my back and my stomach and my uterus to feel like pure shit. at least i'm not pregnant. that's the only good thing my period does for me. i have to drive up to my mom's in about a half an hour so boy can get his brakes done by this friend of the family, and i know it's going to turn into a mom & stepdad nagfest about boy's finances (and 50% of it will be my fault for not nagging him more often). he really is absolutely terrible with his money. i know this. and i know that if we are to have a future together, i need to be more involved in his money management. but at the moment, when i'm unemployed and will remain so for some time, and he's got a million repairs and small expenses to take care of, i'm willing to let him figure it out on his own. yes, we'll start saving. yes, i'll be the boss of his bills. but not right this second, please. i could have stayed in bed all day today. i slept so soundly last night. this morning it was so hard to get up. i had every intention of working out today, but my cramps and my back said no. and now, i feel like i'll throw up my lunch. being a woman is so fucking lame sometimes. ps: kelly, it will get better. it never ever feels like it will, especially when someone else is trying to tell you, but trust me. i was in the same situation, but i didn't even know it was coming. i looked like a fucking idiot. and i STILL regret all those times we had HUGE fights or little breakups and i said to myself, "i really should just end this, since i know it will never end well." but i didn't, because we were best friends. it was like picking a scab but never ever letting it heal. the longer you do it, the bigger the scar eventually becomes. it feels shitty, but it's not the worst thing. it's not. |