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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
disorganized thoughts.
2011-03-20 @ 10:48 p.m.
this is another one of those nights where i have a million things on my mind and none of them are really forming a solid thought group. nothing concrete. i was invited to little A's birthday this year, but not his mom. it was so funny, the way he said it. he was like, "well our [his and bf's] birthday is on the same day, so since it's our birthday we get to go wherever we want. and i want to go to [place]. are you going to come?" i was also told i need to buy a bike because i am needed on bike rides. my boy cat was in my bed when boy and i went upstairs, so i woke him up gently and picked him up. he was warm and groggy, and his motor immediately turned on. i put him in the guest room on the bed, and i went back to lay with bf. on my way back downstairs to clean up, i noticed little chunky was still just where i left him. sometimes i hold little chunky and boy looks at him, and he always says, "those eyes." because this cat looks at you with such love sometimes. he rests his head on my shoulder like a baby would, and he just goes limp in my arms, totally trusting. and i always think that's so precious, because he's a cat. why would he ever trust me? who the hell am i? i'm so big. i could do anything to him. but he looks at me and i know he knows how precious he is to me. bf says, when cat meows outside my door in the morning, he sounds as close to he can get to "mom." i got on the scale this evening, after having a really rich, heavy dinner, and a crazy breakfast this morning, and i think it's joking. i think it's wrong. there's no way. i didn't work out this week, except for tuesday, because i was SO SORE for some reason. so i've just been watching my calories kinda carefully. but this number is phenomenal. i can't wait to work out THIS week to get it where i want it. boy is still back and forth over kids. i am absolutely not having any. that's where i stand. we'll see if we meet in the middle, ever. also, boy is terrible with his money. i want to be more concerned about it, but i just don't have the time. i can't think of anything else, really. i talk to my brother every other day for at least an hour. i miss him being here so much. i wish he would move back someday, but i know he probably won't. i'm feeling really lonely lately but i can't explain it really. not just that he's not here, but i wish certain things that happened, both in my life and between us, had never happened. although i know if they hadn't, then neither of us would be as happy as we are, and who knows if he would even still be here with us. he was on a really scary path there for a while. bed, i guess. |