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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
making time for each other.
2011-07-22 @ 10:59 a.m.
we had this ridiculous sex last night, and it's been so long since we've been able to take so much care with each other. ... it's awkward to say, "hey, let's have sex tonite!" to someone, to make it planned, to have to schedule it in. but if you don't do that, sometimes it gets forgotten in the mix of all of the other responsibilities you have and things that have to come first. oh, you got home two hours late from work? let's make dinner now, and do your laundry so you have clothes for work, and organize your finances, call that creditor back, and then finally eat dinner and clean up the kitchen, TRY to relax for a couple of minutes since we've been going going going since you walked in the door, enjoy a bite of dessert maybe, and get you to bed before 10pm since you wake up at 4am and would actually like to be somewhat rested for your job of nonstop physical labor. ... so it's hard to make it a priority, and sometimes it's not bothered with if it won't be any fun. he and i both are content to touch and be touched, and that's where i find myself so many nights, after having massaged his back and his joints and everything else that hurts so badly every day, just laying next to him in the dark, listening to his breathing. but last night around 9 or so, we actually had a moment for each other. we were sitting, smoking, and i was massaging his sore legs, and of course as i traveled up to where his legs attach to his body (a favorite spot) i noticed him squirming and giving me the heavy breathing that always says, "do you know what you're doing to me right now?" of course i did. so i said, "let's go upstairs and have some snacks and get in bed early." and not understanding, he said, "well, i thought we were going to smoke a little before bed." and i kept touching him, and i realized that we never make real time for each other. we always just take whatever we can get, randomly having sex on the couch or the floor or wherever, which is fun sometimes. but i'm a girl. and sometimes i want romance. so instead of giving in, i said, "well maybe we should go to bed first, and then have some snacks." and finally he realized what i meant and a look came over his face, and we raced upstairs to the bedroom. so good. it seemed like i came a thousand times. at one point, i simply whimpered, "help," because i couldn't stop, and he just laughed underneath me. it's been so long since we've been in bed, tussling with each other and the sheets, no rush, just each other and our hands and a million kisses. fun. no mission. when we were done, he kissed me some more and we struggled downstairs. it was already 10:30 and it was hard not to fall asleep immediately. but we reclined on the couch again in the basement, this time closer to each other than usual, his body pressed against mine, his scent, a mix of boy and sex, filling my nose. and we never need to say anything to each other, because we're always thinking the same thoughts. i just kissed his arm and he touched my little fingers with his big ones, and that was all. oh, my sweetheart. almost two years, but the way you look at me has never changed. |