| profile entries archives refresh |
 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
intimacy.
2011-08-25 @ 9:33 a.m.
it is an absolutely beautiful day outside. it has been for the past three days, and i feel amazing. i've had all of the windows thrown open, the breeze is moving straight through the house, in the front windows and out the back, and we are all happy. the kittens are lounging on their backs and in the windows, the birdies and cicadas are chirping for them, and it smells like grass and that strange sweetness that seems to only exist in the summer. i took my monthly progress photos this morning, right upon waking up. there is such a difference between last month and this one. last month, i was feeling really discouraged. this month, i feel nothing but desire, determination, and win. with dieting, and working out, people lose motivation so quickly when they're not seeing results. i am guilty of it. i'm the first to admit it. how miserable is it running on a treadmill for 2 hours a day, lifting heavy ass weights and tearing your muscles and suffering those days of utter soreness, can't raise your arms above your head, can't walk up the stairs, oh, and you certainly can't eat anything you really want to eat, and here it is a month later, and you look exactly the same? i can tell you. really fucking miserable. but patience. working around the pain. taking breaks here and there. it's like a long, crappy road trip, i guess, and i've learned some ways to make it not so bad. boy is happy because i am happy and we are all happy. truly. i never realized how much we affect each other, but when one of us is feeling poorly, both of us are. i think, for me, and i hate to admit this, that working out will have to be a necessary part of my life. i find that when i'm working out, during those periods, my depression and insomnia seem to chill out a little bit. i still have my swings, but i'd say that there is a drastic and noticeable decrease in them. now that i greet him at the door every day with a smile, and feeling positive, instead of being the tightly wound bundle of nerves that i can sometimes be, the days feel good. nice and easy. and sex. it goes without saying probably that it is so much better when we're both happy and relaxed. we take the extra time for each other. the other night, when i heard him shaving upstairs, we later found ourselves kissing on the couch in the basement. i know it sounds silly to even mention, but we don't get to do much of that anymore. you know, we're always busy, always rushing. there are those moments when he'll grab me or i'll grab him as we're just living our lives, but never do we just sit back, relax, and enjoy kisses. and enjoying kisses turns into smiling and touching and bedtime. and when we're happy, it all changes from rushed blowjob on the basement couch to the two of us, tangled in sheets, and in each other. suddenly, my legs are wrapped around him, feeling his heat radiating out into me, and i'm touching his milky white skin with all its ink, and we're breathing and moving and cumming in sync. and that's like, the best you can ask for from your best friend and sexual partner. someone who is attentive to your needs, your pleasure, and then shares in your climax? insanity! it is just the most wonderfully intimate thing between two people. it's my body telling him all of my secrets. and he always wraps me so tight into him, holding my hips to his, pressing my head into the crook of his neck, and it's the closest we can be to becoming one person. every time we get to be together i realize that he's my perfect other in the world. i'm so happy we found each other again. must go make dinner and pick out a good hurricane movie. we're in a state of emergency over here, but i'm so far inland i'm not concerned. (i started writing this earlier and finished it later which accounts for the time and weather incongruities.) |