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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
the easy way.
2011-10-18 @ 10:34 a.m.
i felt terrible yesterday, and after i wrote my entry, it just got worse and worse. by the evening, i was curled up on the couch in a hoodie. boy came home really late from doing some side work, so we only had time to say hi while i sipped some theraflu and he smoked a little before bed. i'm really glad he's been getting a lot of leads on side work, because money is tight as hell. it sucks when he has to work late, but i'll get over it for $500 cash. oh, so anyway. it's a sinus infection, so i'm just laying around all day, working on the project very casually. boy will be home late again, but at least he'll be here for dinner. that's our most important time of the day, since food is a passion, a hobby, and a necessity. he's said so many times that he realizes that i put my heart and soul into every dish i make for him. i appreciate that so much. both he and i are terrible at expressing ourselves to each other. we communicate really well, but that doesn't mean it isn't hard for us to do. it just means that we try really hard. i was watching some show the other night, and this couple was complaining about this or that. i say "this or that" because it was just a bunch of bitching at each other. i don't know how people don't realize that you need to make your intentions clear all the time with your partner. you need to explain yourself, explain your expectations, your needs. other people aren't mind readers. i don't need to be a psychologist or a counselor to solve this couple's marital issues. the guy's big complaint was that they never have sex. the wife was shocked to hear this, saying, "well, we do once a month or so! how often do you really want to do it!? how often are other people doing it??" husband says he'd love to be doing it daily (obviously), but once a week would be nice. the wife immediately starts ranting about all of this housework that the husband never helps with (down to silly little shit like changing the toilet paper roll in the bathroom), how he never helps with the kids, doesn't help with dinner, etc etc. his defense was that she never says that she wants help with this stuff, and besides, he doesn't want to be standing there, mopping the floor, thinking, "i am mopping this floor now so my wife will have sex with me later." she came back at him saying that she shouldn't HAVE to ask him to do these things, he should just do things to help her out, which would lead to her feeling less exhausted and resentful. i was so aggravated watching this, because they had been married almost 10 years or something and had 3 kids together. you've devoted that much of your life to someone, forever bonded them to you, taken the very serious (and in my opinion, GREATLY under-considered) step of having not just one child, but three! with them, and it's never crossed your mind to just say, "hey, i wish we had sex more often." or, "hey, i would really appreciate it if you would do this, this, and this for me." i've written many times about little tiffs and arguments we've had over things, but the solution was always the same: explain yourself. if i get mad about something he says or does, i TELL him i'm upset, and why, and he extends the same courtesy to me. the silent treatment is fucking stupid and a waste of everyone's time. when i explain myself, he doesn't need to agree with me. all he needs to do is recognize that i am upset, hear my reason for being upset, and respond. there have been times when he's said that he didn't realize that whatever he said or did hurt my feelings, and there have been times when he has felt that i was overreacting. either way, it got out and we got over it. i just can't imagine living every day with tension in the air. there are so many other things to really fuck you out there. i mean really. other people are terrible, money is tight, you could get shot or killed at any time, there's traffic, there are shitty jobs, shitty family, shitty friends. there are so many things to worry about outside. inside, where i am safe with him, there is nothing to worry about. isn't it supposed to be that way when you love someone? i think sometimes we all have to move past our fear of the discomfort caused by confrontation. it sucks in that moment, but in the end it's cathartic. 10-15 minutes of discomfort to resolve an issue, or weeks, months, years of tension and stress and unhappiness? i just don't get it. maybe it's because i'm a teacher and a natural mediator. or maybe it's just because i refuse to devote any more time to being unhappy. i've done enough of that in my life. wow. this turned into a big thing before i even realized it, but i feel really passionate about certain issues. what i really started this entry for was this: 10 songs. (it's zipped.) i'm just going to go ahead and propose that some of you other dudes make some mixtapes (haha, i love being old) and post them up, too, so i can discover some new music. a certain buddy posted this song today or last night or something that i thought was just great, so i assembled some songs i've really been into lately. they're all of a similar genre (since i think it's so weird and jarring to be listening to quiet acoustic guitar and then suddenly switch to hardcore). anyway. time to eat some chicken soup and take a nap. bleh. |