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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
feeling better.
2011-10-25 @ 12:52 p.m.
man. it's so late in the day already and i have completed absolutely nothing! i woke up to a phone call this morning, then spent pretty much the rest of the morning/afternoon until now talking to my close family. my grandmother in particular is kind of mad that i don't come by and call as often as i used to, but as i've said so many times before, my family can really stress me out, and at a relatively high stress point of my life, i can't really do more of it. she knows i love her to death even though she drives me nuts. before we hung up, she said, "100,000 kisses," and i thought it was the cutest thing ever. so i am just so excited about so many things, so i needed to quickly jot this stuff down: 1. boy is starting with his new (old) company tomorrow!!! all of his hard work has paid off, and i am so so so happy for him. and for us, and our relationship. not that it was bad in any way whatsoever, but now we can just blossom. more money, more time together, happy life. ah! 2. the project is going super well. 3. there is a lot to be said for muscle. best friend gave me the last bit of her fat clothes, which ended up fitting me PERFECTLYYYYY. so i'm trying them all on, and they're perfect if not just a tiny tiny bit big. so i'm checking out the tags, and i'm a size 12!!! holy crap. what does this have to do with muscle? in college i weighed between 170-175, and was wearing a size 14, and it was snug. currently i weigh 180-185, and i'm in a size 12, and it's almost loose! the only difference? i lift weights and eat way more protein now. i am so much happier with my body, i can't even tell you, which leads me to my next point. 4. i'm really happy with my body. so is boy. he notices me all the time now. not that he didn't before, but now, it seems almost on a daily basis, he's looking at me harder, noticing the fit of my clothes, checking me out. we're a lot more sexual with each other. again, not that we weren't before, but we're more vocal about it now, more aggressive about it. it used to be more of a situational thing, like we'd just be sitting together and we'd start fooling around. now it's become more of a priority; we'll text each other or be standing together in the kitchen and we'll let each other know, "i want you to fuck me later." i like it this way. a year and a half to two years ago, i would never have believed that i would say this, but i'm going to: if you're struggling with any issues relating to your body, DO SOMETHING ABOUT THEM! change it! if you're currently overweight, or worse yet, obese (i was!), you should really consider losing weight. i truly didn't think it would help me because even though i was uncomfortable when i was really fat (because i could never find clothes that fit, i hated sitting down and feeling my belly folded over my pants, my arms jiggled when i wrote on the board, etc), i had great confidence. i still knew i was hot, and i always felt sexy, and i wasn't really uncomfortable naked. but now that i'm nearly 60 lbs lighter? i really do feel different and better. shopping is exciting again because i don't have to go to special departments and/or stores and pay twice as much for the same clothes. it sucks! and it sucks when the trend for "plus size" women is everything tent-style. big ugly flowing pregnancy style clothes. sure, when you're fat and you put that stuff on, it's awesome because it hides your rolls and flatters whatever your shape may be. but it's even better when you get yourself healthy and you can fit in ANY clothes, i assure you. i'm no fat hater, either. there are a million plus-size women who are gorgeous and happy with their bodies exactly as they are. i'm not advocating change if you don't want it. but i did. and i'm SO much happier now. and let me just add some of the other quality of life improvements that have occurred as a result of this weight loss: better sex life, less sweating, easier mobility, better sleep, better skin (WAYYYY better skin), better clothing options (PARTICULARLY BRAS, OMFG.), dudes hitting on me again, way fewer digestive issues (direct result of improved diet) and people generally taking me more seriously. and i must add, when i'm talking about making changes, it applies to anything in life you're unhappy about. change it. do something. i hated my legs, too, and now i love them. i'm actually excited for the summer to come back because there are cute capris and skirts i want to wear. i feel so much better about so many things. go out and grab what you want. get it. take it. make it happen. it's the only way. |