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sex talk.

2011-11-01 @ 10:14 p.m.

oh man.

sometimes i get really mad when we have sex and boy says, "we need to do that more often," because i guess for a flash of a moment i feel really defensive. part of that is from the past douchebags i dated, and from my mom, who used to make me feel like everything was my fault. the other part of it is yeah, it takes two to tango, so i could be more proactive in the sexing. but i know he's always so exhausted and can barely keep his eyes open after dinner as it is, and here i am keeping him up even later with strenuous activity?

i feel bad about it on one hand, but on the other, i totally don't, because it's soooo good. and if there was a third hand to juggle something on, it would hold the "and also, i might be addicted to sex" card. like not david duchovny addicted, but i do feel like ... hyperaroused? or something the more we do it. it has always been this way. i could easily spend all day every day having sex, masturbating, whatever.

that seemingly random tidbit is relevant here because the night before last was sunday night. i thought when the weekend began that we were going to have a sex marathon on saturday since we were "snowed in" (not really, we just had a dusting, but in NJ it's more dangerous to drive on a slick road than in a full-on snowstorm) and had committed to ordering takeout. so boy got up, did another political thing before i woke up, and came home before noon. we ordered two of those new domino's pizzas (the sausage one is the best) and noshed. then, very shortly thereafter, boy was like, "i'm gonna go check out the bed," which means, "i'll catch you later tonight." so i just sat around all day. then when it was time for ME to be sleepy late at night, he was totally jacked up from having taken that long nap in the afternoon.

right, so then sunday came along and my sinuses were a mess. he said we had to run to two places: sam's club and the store for some milk. i was like, oh nice, a quick day, then we'll be back for funtimes. so i took some benadryl and sinus medication so i'd be able to breathe. boy didn't tell me, though, that if he didn't find what he needed at one store we needed to go to like a million other ones until he did. so i went from optimistic about the day to dreading it, because i was so doped up on allergy medicine that i felt like a zombie all day, AND on top of that i was still really looking forward to getting laid but it wasn't happening.

later sunday night we had dinner, which was fast food because we wasted too much time during the day to make something reasonable to eat. he started going down right after eating, and inwardly i'm like nooooooooo because i was still so in the mood. i kept bothering and bothering him to get up and go to bed if he was tired, and he usually fights me and falls asleep on the couch, but that evening he actually did it. i don't know if he did because he realized that we hadn't had sex at all the whole weekend, or just because he was tired, but whatever, he complied, and got in bed and assumed the position (on back, legs spread under the blankets).

of course this was delightful and exactly what i wanted to happen, and it was good. we fell asleep and i slept like a rock.

then yesterday happened. he went to work, and i had planned to do serious work on the project, along with a ton of other household chores. he was supposed to take little A trick or treating last night, so i knew he wouldn't be home until super late, so i just went about my day at my leisure. i was a little crampy, so i decided to take a couple hits to dull the pain and get focused on all the shit i had to do. my brother called me, though, and i ended up spending like an hour! on the phone with him, and whilst talking i ended up smoking absentmindedly. naturally i was high as hell by the time we got off the phone, and with stonedness comes horniness, particularly because i was already super aroused in general from us having sex the previous night. so since i was like totally chilled out, i figured it would be no big deal to just watch a little porn and enjoy some personal time.

of COURSE this turns into like 2 hours of exploring my many many fetishes, favoriting videos, and generally getting absolutely nothing done. then he calls and says, yeah, i'm on my way home because ex-wife is a raging psycho and i'm not going to spend the whole afternoon and evening there just to walk around trick or treating when little A will be with his friends anyway. i felt like a jackass because i truly accomplished nothing all day, but i didn't tell boy what i was up to.

so last night, after our super lazy takeout dinner (i know), he's on his way to dreamland again - he passed out on the couch. i kept pestering him to get up and move if he didn't intend to go to bed at 8:30, so we went back down to the basement for a while and smoked.

for me, with the smoking, there's a very specific window between beneficial hyper-focused high and detrimental, lazy bedtime high. last night i landed perfectly within the hyper-focused high zone, which was awesome.

we went up to bed. he was super sleepy, and asked me to rub his back. i agreed, disappointed, and started rubbing his shoulders, his ass, and his legs. he was enjoying it and got quiet so i thought he fell asleep, so i went to get up and go downstairs and he opened his eyes and asked where i was going. i told him i was going down to turn down the heat, and since he was awake, i was now determined.

i came back up and started rubbing his back again, then his thighs, but i'm rubbing them really hard and my hands are traveling to naughty places. he's writhing and groaning and absolutely freaking out because i'm manhandling him and i'm running my finger from his ass to the underside of his balls. ah, the ways to make a person lose their mind. so then, just to let him know who's boss, after he rolled over onto his back and started waving his cock around at me, i refused to touch it until i was ready, and drove him thoroughly insane by licking his balls until he could barely keep contact between his body and the bed.

so things progress in such a way that i find myself on top, and it's fantastic up there, and he holds my hips really firmly to his which leads to me squirting all over him and the bed. after that, we try to find each other with slippery trembling hands, and once i'm saddled in again, he wraps his arms around me and somehow locks my legs into his and fucks me so hard i can't see or hear anything but sparks and his frantic panting in my ear. he came as i did, and i just felt as limp as a rag doll, and we struggled to kiss a couple times before i fell onto my side of the bed, twitching and shaking uncontrollably.

best sex ever. all the time. and it's the wonderful, love kind that makes you feel warm and fuzzy and puts you directly to sleep. it's the kind that makes you wonder why you ever bothered with anyone who didn't make you feel this way.

today i woke up and felt like i had been horseback riding, and i thought over what happened last night. i realized a few things, and since i have absolutely no censor i might as well talk about them for anyone who might want to know about female ejaculation but is afraid to ask. these are just my personal experience, but do correlate with the most commonly offered advice for those wondering how to make it happen:

1. believing that it is actually real and possible was the first step. once i stopped doubting it even existed and started actively trying to do it, the time between my first serious attempt and eventual success was relatively short.

2. it'll probably be more likely to happen during condomless, unprotected sex. i can't do it every time, and i can't even imagine being successful at doing it if i had a condom or a diaphragm or something to worry about losing.

3. you have to be 100% relaxed. you also must be comfortable with your partner. i can't say for sure, but i can confidently guess that 90% of the time, nearly every time i've managed to do it, i've been either buzzed or stoned. i'm just so timid and inhibited otherwise that i can't let my guard down and let go, which is the key to doing it.

4. i go into it with an empty bladder. it's way easier to focus on the building sensation when you're not worrying about holding in your pee.

5. just like with multiple orgasms, which i do enjoy as well, i can continue to do it for the duration of our session. it seems that to do it in the first place, though, i have to be on top. then after that, it doesn't matter which position we're in.

6. i may be hypersensitive, or maybe i'm just really easy for the right guy. but none of that fingers in a "come hither" motion and/or pressure is necessary. he does massage my g-spot briefly, but as long as i'm on top and sufficiently relaxed, there's a good chance it'll happen.

and of course, the most important thing is probably being with a partner you're crazy about. i totally believe in casual sex and all that, and if you can do it with anyone, then more power, baby. but for me, i could never be completely unafraid with anyone but him, so i'm putting my odds of success up there with winning the lottery. you know, not the powerball or anything, but maybe the pick 5 ... pick 4 if it was a super hot situation.

needless to say, i had time to sit here and write all of this because boy passed out early tonight. i let him sleep. i can't be selfish every night.

we have an annoyingly long night planned tomorrow, and i'm not excited about it one bit. i kind of hope the plans fall through so we can just do it on the weekend. i want him to come home early tomorrow so i can make him give it to me in the kitchen. we've had sex pretty much everywhere in the house, but we might as well take another tour to see if anything has changed. mmm yummy.