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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
wtf?
2012-03-14 @ 10:51 a.m.
yesterday i went to the dollar store to grab something and i saw one of my former students there, working. i had her a few years, and we were fairly close - she'd stop by to see me and talk about her life all the time. so it was pretty surprising when i called, "A!" and she looked at me really hard for a minute, and i was about to say, "it's miss [tinea]!" but she just had this unreadable facial expression and said, "oh. you've lost so much weight." and obviously i'm excited about it, so i was like, "yeah!" and she just says, "how!?" and i told her that i just started eating better and stopped drinking, and she's like, "oh, you stopped drinking," as though that was the only thing, and i said, "the drinking wasn't the primary problem. i ate crap. the drinking just made it worse." so she asked what i ate, and i told her that i just started cooking everything from scratch. eating vegetables. stopped getting takeout. and she says, "well i'm stuck here all day," and i said that that doesn't matter, you just have to shift your diet to more protein and veg. i didn't even work out all that much. and then she just started getting kind of rude and distracted, you know when people are like, "yeah yeah," and they've checked out of the conversation. so i left, but i couldn't help feeling a little hurt that she seemed UPSET with me that i lost weight. i never wrote about it before, because i thought it was just a random thing, or maybe that i was reading it wrong, but i've had another person react to me the same way. and i'm just like, why? am i betraying fat people? there's nothing wrong with being fat, it just wasn't for me. when did it become not cool to be happy with yourself? whatever, i guess. it just kind of makes me a little sad. you used to come to me and tell me all of your secrets. you'd go out of your way to say hello when you saw me. and now, just because i'm a normal weight (still classified overweight, actually), you don't want to speak to me at all? i have so many other things to be worried about right now that i can't afford to spend any more minutes on this, but i can't help that it bothers me. female on female hate bothers me. i wouldn't have written about this at all except that the other day, boy and i had to go to the [ethnic] beauty supply store for something. i was in there for all of 5-7 minutes from entry to checkout, and boy said that the "attitude" in the air was so palpable that he felt uncomfortable. i did too, but i guess i'm just used to that particular atmosphere. whenever there are a lot of "us" together, i always get the nasty, suspicious look because they can't make sense of me. and the same thing happened when the two of us walked up to check out from that place. it's so stupid. |