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�what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux

"i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes

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goodnight, dear soul.

2012-09-15 @ 9:04 p.m.

today boy and i were having this wonderful day together. he looked on his phone, at fb, and showed me this picture and said, "who do you think this is?" and i looked at this picture of what seemed to be an old man, and my brain took a moment, and i said "oh my god ... [my childhood best friend]?" and he said, yeah, that's him. doesn't he look terrible? and i looked at it again, and said, yeah. he really does. that's so sad. such a shame. but he's had a lot of problems with drugs. heroin, specifically. he lives in that town, the same one we grew up in that changed so much over the years, completely behind the scenes, whose ugly head almost took my brother just a few years ago.

so we came home from our day and i was waiting for him on the couch, looking at fb on my phone, and i saw so many pictures of this friend being posted, and below one of them was a poem about loss, and at the end it said, for [friend]. and i was like ... what? wait. so i went to his profile, and everyone was posting we'll miss you, too soon, etc. and now i'm just like, how can this be. and there it was, in the comments of one of his photos, that he just never woke up this morning. 29 years old. i'm sure i know what happened. he's been struggling so much this past year with that.

i called best friend and she sounded really upset. i just can't stop thinking about it. there's so much i could say that would help you understand why this is so tragic, but i've said enough.

drugs scare me so much. and then the pills are so easy to get. i just wrote yesterday that we got some percocets. we just bought them off of some friend who tells his doctor he has back problems and gets 90 of them every month. i never want to even have the chance to get involved with stuff like that. it sinks its teeth into you and you are never, ever the same. i've seen it happen to too many people. and now the world has lost yet another amazing person.