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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
just breezin through.
2012-09-23 @ 10:32 a.m.
we've been so stressed out. boy got laid off again at such a completely inopportune time, so we had to reschedule our tattoo appointment, which by the start of this past week had changed into just his tattoo appointment, because we were already kinda broke then. once he was laid off for three days, i put the kibosh on the whole thing until we could pull ourselves together. when he made me the boss of finances, i put my foot down and said we're not spending bill money on tattoos. too bad if it sucks. it would suck more to realize halfway through the week that we can't afford groceries. i miss my brother, a lot. when he first left i was feeling really lonely, but it was nice to have boy around this week. we've done a lot of talking, reassessed our goals in life, and stuff like that. monday and tuesday started out incredibly tense, and by wednesday, it was miserable here. i've mentioned his disillusionment with regard to the union, and on wednesday he pretty much found out everything he needed to know. i think most of his anxiety for a long time stemmed from not knowing whether they were with or against him, so now that he found out that answer, he's not like ... stewing over it? mentally toiling away? there was always this constant fear of saying the wrong thing to the wrong person, and being misinterpreted, but now that he knows it just really doesn't matter at all, that no matter what he does, right or wrong, it's all just a sham, he can finally move on. in other good news, i think psycho is done with the shenanigans. maybe it was 3 weeks ago, maybe a month? but boy told little A that the house phone could be his phone so he wasn't giving out boy's cell phone number to random kids in the neighborhood. so little A is of course like, well awesome, now i can call my mom anytime! and he does, but he didn't tell either of us that he was doing it until i found out by hearing him talking to her upstairs one night, way past his bedtime. boy was with me in the basement, passed out, while i was on the computer. i'm like, "honey, A is on the phone up there with his mother making some crazy plans. you should really go talk to him about making plans without you (little A does this all the time; we'll have plans for the weekend already and he's like, i'm spending the night at my friend's house. and we're like when did this happen? and he's like oh i talked to my mom about it already. so aggravating!)." so he was asleep and brushed me off, and like a half an hour later little A comes downstairs and is like, "dad, i need to talk to you. mommy thinks that i should come back and live with her again, and i agree." all i could do was give the "told you so" eyebrow, but really? i understand she doesn't like the arrangement, or me, or whatever it is, but STOP dragging a 9 year old in to this! he shouldn't be the messenger of these types of things. and furthermore, just 2-3 weeks before this conversation happened, the divorce was finalized and they had this big sit down meeting about what is best for little A, and it is to NOT be in the primary custody of HER. she even admitted that she was not fit to care for him in open court. so let it rest! jesus! so ANYWAY. the next day boy called her and said listen. the divorce is fucking done. you know what is right and what is wrong. if you miss little A, call him and pick him up whenever you want. but you will stop this shit or you will not see him. the end. and it seems she's gotten the point. she stopped blowing up boy's phone all the time with crazyperson calls, started calling little A on the house phone (she used to have to call boy's cell and ask for him), and just comes to the house to pick him up without incident. things have quieted down so much as far as she goes, which is really all we've ever wanted. also absolutely wonderful is that little A loves this school. on the weekends, he's seriously like, omg weekend, be over so i can get to SCHOOL on monday! he loves his teachers (he's in inclusion classes so he has several), and his regular ed teacher called yesterday to tell boy how well-behaved, polite, and great he was to have in class. this is another thing that we are happy to have going smoothly, both for us and him. this was a huge transition for him to make, but he slipped right in and has become one of the coolest dudes on the block (both boy and i find this hilarious because he's such a dork! but it's cute.). so, finally, what you may or may not have been waiting for. this is the prologue to my upcoming memoir (haha, who knows?) adventures in escorting. let me preface this by saying that there's a lot of stuff that boy and i discussed (as far as our personal moral and relationship-related feelings on escorting) that is really the content of an entirely different entry, but the result of all of this deliberation was that we are going to escort together. okay? so this is just a teaser. things we've learned: 2. men are fucking weirdos. i think that most average people (ie, those not into the freaky ass weird shit that we do) would be pretty horrified to find out some of the stuff we've been asked to do. especially when we're asked in a huge, long, crazy specific novel of an email. but like really though? even though a lot of it is weird, it's not that weird. at least to us. but maybe (probably) we're a different breed. that said ... 3*. this should be the next cover story for cosmo (but i'm sure the advice is not ridiculous or impractical enough): want to find out one way to keep your boyfriend or husband from cheating on you? open communication. i've said it a million times here on my own but while we've been doing this we've noticed a LOT of ads on CL and whatnot from guys whose wives give them the headache story, the i'm tired and not in the mood story, over and over again. this one guy took the time to lay out all of the conversations he had with his wife leading up to his decision to cheat on her with some random person from CL. that after asking his wife three nights in a row to have sex, she said no, she was tired. and that third time was what broke the camel's back. now i am in NO WAY condoning cheating on one's spouse, and the only reason that what i have said here sounds biased is because it is; i only know his half of the story. but what i'm getting at is that he should have been talking to his wife, communicating to her how important he feels sex is to their marriage, and (my next statement is assuming that he has expressed his frustration to her, otherwise this is all his fault, but my point remains valid regardless) she should have been communicating to him why she was always feeling tired, or maybe that the time he wants to do it is not compatible with when she would like to do it. the point is, these things need to be discussed. 3a. some couples communicate amazingly well about everything except sex. yes, sex is sometimes scary and awkward and a lot of times gross. but if you're really going to try to avoid the temporary discomfort of simply talking about something, you're in for a significantly more difficult conversation down the road. if you're into some super weird shit, or even some not so weird shit, and it's something that REALLY gets you off, TELL YOUR PARTNER! why not just talk to them? if someone REALLY loves you, and you're not pitching like bestiality or pedophilia or anything, i think they're going to be willing to hear you out if it comes down to kink or affair. really. 4. ladies, you need to step your game up if you haven't already, for reals. i think a lot of girls think they can get by just being hot-looking and physically present in the bedroom, but guys are NOT into that! no one wants to fuck a log. they have dolls and toys for that now. (have you SEEN paris hilton's sex tape!? perfect example of what not to do.) if you're inexperienced? watch some porn. get an idea of what guys think sex is really like, and try to act it out! no one says you need to be like deep throating and gagging and doing anal and gangbangs. but give something different a try!! boy and i couldn't BELIEVE how many guys said their wives refused to give blowjobs, to receive oral, to do it in any other position than missionary, to talk dirty (how is this considered "wild"?), etc. etc. etc. all i'm trying to say is, if you're not already, be a little more open-minded. you'll be surprised what you're into, and how amazing sex can really be. 5. i know that most of the audience reading this is female, so this is for you: men think you're a LOT hotter than you give yourself credit for. trust us on this too. i'm 40 lbs overweight, have terrible skin, saggy boobs (i'm 30 and i've lost a lot of weight, it happens), and tons of stretch marks. and then that's not even counting my many many tattoos, which some guys are simply disgusted by. for the most part, NO ONE CARES ABOUT WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE. sure, there are tons of men who put ads up saying "NO BBW! NO FATTIES!" etc, looking for blond blue eyed long legged models, but for every one of those there are twice as many who don't give a shit. so please stop thinking that you're not pretty enough, thin enough, or whatever enough. i would be willing to bet money that every day that you walk around there is at least one person who thinks you look great. so relax. * i know women cheat on their boyfriends and husbands as well, but we deal almost exclusively with men so i am speaking from their perspective. i would feel like a real jerk if i just left you hanging without any weird stories, so i'll just leave you with one of the aforementioned weird requests. this one isn't even close to being the weirdest, but i read it and was just like ... why? Hello, wot? |