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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
fancy meeting you here.
2012-11-02 @ 8:22 a.m.
it was surreal, being led down long, white hallways that were completely silent, then having an experience that was just like every mental hospital movie you've ever seen. that guy over there stabbed his mom in the chest. and then, she's just sitting there telling us completely matter of factly about rejection after rejection, the guy who she started seeing again after this most recent guy completely destroyed her soul, who had an instagram full of photos of him with his present girlfriend, and then the other guy who she told she wants to wait a while before having sex, and then who proceeded to pressure her night after night for it, and she finally gives in on the 3rd or 4th date, only to be told the next day that he had a bad feeling about her, no more, goodbye. and that was the thing that got her, like, is there something about me that i can't see? how does this person i barely know get to decide that i'm a bad person? and because i know her as well as i know myself, i had imagined that she just thought, you know what? i'm done with this shit. and that's exactly what happened. she said she hung up the phone with that guy, walked directly into the bathroom and took her whole bottle of pills. 80 pills. she meant it. she seemed to know a lot about what brought her there, mostly that she piles way too much on her plate and never asks for help, and always makes excuses for the person who should be doing a lot more (kid's dad)*. so obviously she's going to try to stop doing that, and start taking care of herself. listening to her emotions, taking time when she needs it. so. she's trying her best. that's all she can really do. why is life so hard sometimes. but we all are wondering that, aren't we. * for example: she FINALLY took him to court a few weeks ago to get an order for child support, and what he had to pay was a substantial amount of his weekly income. he stood there and looked at the order in disbelief, and said to the judge, "this is half of what i make! how am i supposed to live on this!?" and the judge told him to ask [best friend], since she's been living on even less, all by herself, for the past three years. she was telling me this story, and in the same breath, says, "yeah, i feel really bad for him," etc. etc. and i'm like, why? he deserves it! he's done nothing for you or [kid]! he owes you at least this! if it's too much of his check, then i guess he's going to need to get a better job. and she's like, well, he can't because of this or that! he can't do a lot of things! and i told her then he'll need to get a second job, and she says he can't do that either, no REAL, GOOD reason other than he just doesn't want to work two jobs. okay. the punchline is that SHE works two jobs, runs a volunteer club at work, and takes care of the kid full time. but you know. |