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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
another quickie in passing.
2013-08-08 @ 1:44 a.m.
OMG freedom. little A has vacation bible school (please don't even ask) the entirety of next week so i can actually take a fucking breath and do some of the stuff i've been wanting and needing to do. it's so fucking hard to do ANYTHING with him home. you wonder, why? what is he doing? doesn't he just play video games? yeah, he does that for a couple of hours, but dad doesn't want him playing games for 14 straight hours a day (and rightly so), so those other hours he's wandering around the house, asking a million questions that he's already asked that he doesn't even pay attention to the answer to, because before you're even done with your sentence he's already talking again, asking yet another question that he would already know the answer to if he was paying attention when he first asked you 10 seconds ago. here's an example of every moment of my life. setting: we're on the way to burger king last night for a quickie dinner. on the way there, a trip that is maybe 7 minutes in length, boy told little A that he was getting a rib sandwich. he has gotten it before, many, many times since it came out. at least 3 times when little A was actually here with us, one of them mere weeks ago. i know this because little A ordered and ate a rib sandwich that time too. so did i, and we all sat there and discussed our feelings. remember, boy has already told him that he's ordering a rib sandwich about 3 minutes ago, and then one more time when we pull into the parking lot of the plaza it's in because he already forgot. we pull into the drive-thru. little A: dad, what are you getting? aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand cut. try to do that, have that kind of conversation, all day, about everything. literally everything because this kid's adhd train of thought is everywhere and nowhere. but also try to do anything else that requires concentration. i'll be in the middle of doing something and i just completely lose track of what i was doing, or what my next task is, because i'm just repeating the same exact sentences over and over and over again. i can never write anything because he just comes in here and sits right next to me and just talks and talks and talks. i had those huge plans of self-publishing some of my stuff (did i write about that? i can't even remember), but i could never get enough fucking quiet time to concentrate to do it. i know it seems really harsh, but we don't know what to do other than just refuse to repeat ourselves all the time, while forcing him to repeat what we say to him all the time. how do you teach a person to pay attention? how do you teach listening? there's no other way than making them do it. i hate his fucking mother so much for failing him so epically as a parent. he's going into 5th grade this year. man, i didn't mean to open with that but i really felt i needed to explain the burst of joy i felt upon finding that he would be gone for a week. so anyway. before i move onto the last, quick thing that was the only reason i was writing this at first, let me say: darling, i couldn't figure out what i would have been offended by, so i concluded i just probably sounded like a bitch. sorry! sometimes i just talk/write really hard. yeah, so i'm writing because boy and i were talking about what's going to happen in september when he gets $10,000 auto-deposited on his birthday as part of a settlement from an accident years ago. we both need new cars. my car is 12 years old (but still totally awesome), and his is only 6, but he has like 260k miles due to how far north he works. he's been saying forever he's going to get a jeep because he wants an off-road "man" vehicle for us so we can all go out and ride trails and whatnot, but when we were talking about it the other day, he realized that the gas mileage is terrible for how much he has to drive (17mpg ish). so he says, hey. i hate to do this, but i'll drive your car to work and you'll drive the jeep. i don't want to ruin my new car with all of my dust and dirt and tools (he's in construction, remember). so i was like oh yeah, that is a good idea. of course i don't mind. but i also said yeah, i'm going to get shitty gas mileage too though. and he says, well should i sacrifice what i want just for gas mileage? and i said, well think about how much it's going to be driven. are we going to drive my car ALL the time? because we do drive a lot. a lot. and how often are we going to take the jeep actually off-roading if you think of how many weekends are in a year and how many of them we will actually go off-roading? and then are you going to bring your brand new jeep off-roading (no fucking way, he's a total prissy bitch about his new stuff)? eventually, he realized how totally stupid getting a jeep would be, and decided instead that we would trade in his car, he'll get my old car for work, and the family car/my car will be the one we buy new. he was all groany and grumbly about it until he realized that it really is the best idea, and that way we'll both get to drive the new car. (when we first had the conversation about which new car we could get if we could get any one, we both picked the exact same thing. same color and everything. we're such dorks.) i thought that was a really weird conversation, like weird in the hey, we're really grown ups and life partners and we're buying a car together now sort of way. the things you never see coming in life. ok bye. i've got the insomnia thing going on again, so i'm just going to get in bed and hope sleep happens. |