| profile entries archives refresh |
 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
gbf?
2014-06-13 @ 1:41 p.m.
hung out with best guy friend last night. today, i am in a fantastic mood. i don't know what it is about that guy, i just can't get enough. he's like a perfect combination of boy and brother. we think the same. simpatico relationship. he's probably the only person with whom i truly, truly let my guard down. sexual, long-term relationships have so many elements. so many complicating factors. of course i wish i could bare my soul 100% completely with boy, but there's always this 1% i hold back. because in any relationship, i don't care how perfect, you have to let yourself become vulnerable, and thus, open yourself up to pain. and for a person who has experienced so much pain in interpersonal relationships, familial and otherwise, you just don't want to ever let that happen to you again. so there's this small bit of yourself that you keep. but with guy friend, (i guess i'll start referring to him as GBF? gbf? guy best friend? meh) it's so strange. i find these incredible things coming out of my mouth. and, going from boy who is so emotionally closed off, to talk to guy friend who is so ... unguarded? it's just what i need sometimes. i'm trying to think of a better way to describe it, but the best i can come up with is that guy friend makes his intentions and motivations plain. boy is a lot less direct. he beats around the bush, can often be passive aggressive, doesn't always say what he really means. guy friend is unfiltered, brutally honest, no fucks given, straight and to the point. i don't need to guess and decode and interpret what he is saying to me. i'm just like, whew. what an un-exhausting conversation. when it comes to boy, talking to him when he's just being normal and in a good mood, it's like talking to myself. i love it. we have the exact same sense of humor, we do that totally annoying thing some couples do when we say the exact same thing at the same time. it's like our brains are connected, it's so gross/awesome. but guy best friend, talking to him is just like talking to myself too. we have the same exact sense of humor, same dry, deadpan delivery, same raw honesty and lack of filter. except we're totally on different planets about most things. so that's pretty fun. so anyway. we went to have some drinks last night and of course guy friend is like hey, i'm moving across the world for a couple years. and i'm like unnnggghh are you serious, you asshole. we just started hanging out again. but he's right, the time will pass quicker than we know it. think of all of the time you waste doing dumb shit. and i was like yeah man, you're super right about all this. good times. i really hope he doesn't start dating some girl who hates me and won't let us hang out, or worse! meets someone overseas and never wants to come back. i'd be such sadface :(! |