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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
very much need a mental vacation.
2014-07-28 @ 2:54 p.m.
ugh. i'm supposed to hang out with guy best friend pretty soon before i won't get to see him for quite a long while, and i can't even wait. boy has been absolutely insufferable lately and i need guy friend's cold, pragmatic view of the world and perfect sense of humor to lift my spirits and get me focused. i don't often talk about our financial situation other than to mention it's bad, but it's really because boy is the most irresponsible person ever when it comes to money. he makes these unbelievably poor choices that seriously take us to the edge of ruin. i think i don't talk about it that much because i don't want people to think that he's a total idiot, but it's come to the point where i can't not mention it anymore, because it's really fucking us up. again, i'm not going to get into the details here, but he just ... ugh!!! like there's this whole ticket thing going on which he KNEW about. he's already paid the lawyer fee but he KNOWS that he has to go to court in two days (where he will have to pay exorbitant court and ticket fees). so what does he do last week? he blows literally an entire month of bill money, WITHOUT telling me, WITHOUT us having ANY money in savings, while i also have -$93 in my bank account. he barely has enough money to put gas in his car to get to work, and for the past week now i have had an empty tank and no money to put gas in it. i was just like, what the fuck were you thinking?? WHAT THE FUCK!!?? like .... ??????? so i had called my dad to beg for a temporary loan (which i always love doing, i get the lecture and boy gets 0% of the responsibility), and he was like ... naw. i just don't have it to give, i'm sorry. and why the fuck did [boy] spend his money on xx when he KNEW about this court date? he's known about it for a month and a half!?? i don't know, dad. i don't control him. he just did it. i really don't know what to say. so then yesterday, we wake up and he's in a shitty fucking mood, everything is my fault. that's his usual MO but his behavior has been so douchey i refuse to engage. i'm over that shit. when we're both at fault, i try to talk it out and we try to resolve it. but yesterday, i was like whatever dude, you're being a dick. and i don't know why you're being a dick to me when this is actually all your fault. and all day he's all passive aggressive, like, "ohh you know, it would be really nice if we could go back to having home cooked meals." (we've been eating super cheap fast food all week because i can't put gas in the car or afford groceries so i have to wait for him to get home to go anywhere or do anything). and i was like hey, you'd be eating a fucking home cooked meal right now if you had given me even SOME of the money for bills this month and hadn't blown ALL of our money on xx! like how fucking difficult is this. so whatever man. what boy doesn't know is that i actually have $375 dollars in my other account that i have been saving/hiding. i know that if i indicate in any way that i have it, he'll blow it on bullshit in the one day between today and court. not gonna happen. someone here needs to be an adult, be responsible, and think more than 30 seconds into the future. i shouldn't even volunteer it to him on court day, let him sweat for his carelessness. it's only fair. no, it's more than fair. i say often don't get involved with anyone with kids or a psycho ex without totally assessing and understanding the situation, but i'd like to add not to get involved with someone who has demonstrated inability to control his/her finances. when you get into a super tight spot, make sure that one of you has the fucking skills to get out. |