| profile entries archives refresh |
 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
yo sup.
2014-07-25 @ 2:13 p.m.
the other night i wanted to write about something but boy was wandering around so i couldn't, and now i have no idea what it was. so i guess i'll mention this, which i don't want to start going on and on about because it's a super long story, but my mom and some fantastic luck came the fuck to the rescue this week. this amazing, tremendous weight is off of my shoulders for the time being. several weights are off my shoulders, actually. best friend came over the other day (that's what i was going to write about) with kiddo and i was telling her how nice it was to finally feel like i have a mom. all i want is support and someone to talk to when i need help and actually want to talk. that's all. if that's all our relationship ever is, i would be perfectly happy forever. but for almost my entire life so far, it hasn't even been that. so you know. feels good man. so anyway, when best friend came over the other day, she brought kiddo, who's now 5? i think? but this kid is super smart, and well-behaved, and adorable. you know kids are my least favorite experience. but this guy is just a mini version of best friend. super young, he has her exact sense of humor, calls her "mother," in this little gentleman's voice, and is a generally pretty pleasant guy to be around. it is the complete opposite of being around little A in the same setting. i had so many emotions about it. i was happy that best friend has such a great kid because she really didn't want to have him in the first place. i was ... frustrated, angered, i don't know what else that little A is regularly outclassed by far younger children and neither of his parents can seem to realize it or motivate themselves to do something about it. very, very angered and that i am the one who must bear the weight of their inaction. and finally, kind of saddened that because of this extremely poor experience that is going to extend through the best years of my life, that i'm always going to be turned off from having kids. i've always wanted to say that i'm open to the possibility of changing my mind, but ... no. anyway, on the topic of less depressing things, everyone has always made fun of boy at work because they think he's gay (we both laugh about this all the time). they're like dude, you're too well-dressed, too silly and outgoing, too sassy. there's no way you're straight. they were constantly asking him for a picture of me, but the only pictures he had were like, nakies. and they were like, YEAH! awesome! those'll work, too! and of course he's not gross so he didn't do that. so a couple weeks ago i took a picture after doing my hair and looking super hot, and he had made that his homescreen image on his phone. so someone was making racist jokes the other day, but at the end were like, "oh you know, i have nothing against [x] people by the way." and boy is like, oh i don't either. my girlfriend is actually [x]. and the guy's like, yeah fucking right, okay, let's see pictures of your boyfriend (har har how original! these are like 45-50 year old guys btw)! and he's like i actually have a picture this time. so they're all checking me out, and this one guy was like ... dude. don't take this the wrong way or anything, but she is WAY too hot for you. that definitely made my day, especially because i know i'm cute as fuck, but have always kind of .... i don't really want to say "worried" or anything? but i've always felt that boy was too hot for me. not like, i don't deserve to be with him or anything. that's absolutely not what i mean. i just mean when you look at a couple, sometimes you're like, yeah, and other times you're like ... yeah?? and it could just be that i love him so much and he's exactly my type, and that's why i think that he's this adonis. but to hear someone else say it, i was like, high five, self! looking your best at 30+. fuck yeah. <3 you dl, gotta do my hairs. |