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�what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux

"i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes

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everyone is changing.

2015-03-31 @ 9:24 a.m.

there's just ... so fucking much going on. i started writing about it yesterday but had a precious few hours with boy before bedtime so i just closed the window out and figured i'd write about it today. now today is here and i'm like ugh, i don't feel like getting into it.

.... i just wrote two sentences about it but i deleted them already because i really can't even. suffice it to say that things are hard for both of us. a lot of questions and doubts and fears. but he finally shared some of his with me, and i feel that we are both finally kind of on the same page. we have a certain idea of what we want our lives to look like, and we know that we want our lives to include each other. so the struggle now is to figure out how to keep that happening.

the real reason i started writing was because little A's best friend/kind of brother (this is satan's scummy girlfriend's middle child, the one who spends the night over here sometimes) came out and said yesterday that he's been a girl trapped in a boy's body his entire life and wants to transition. WHAT! i couldn't believe it! never would have imagined. but what really shocked the shit out of me is that satan and scummy girlfriend are actually being supportive and are going to let him finish out the year and switch schools next year so he can start as a girl.

he's only 12! i said to boy, i am so amazed and impressed that he is so self-aware so young, and that he was brave enough to tell everyone. i know that many kids who have gender identity issues often don't work it out or tell anyone until they're older. this kid, with this crazy fucked up family situation and garbage mother is just like "fuck it, this is me." i have so much more respect for him ... well, her, now. and here i am, a person who was afraid to tell my own fucking mom that i had a tattoo when i was 20 years old. kudos, kiddo. pretty excited to take her shopping, too.