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�what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux

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the family tree.

2018-12-21 @ 9:05 p.m.

this is that time of year when i don't have time for anything, and i totally started planning and getting organized right after thanksgiving this year but i guess next time i'm going to start even earlier just so i don't feel rushed in any way. i did so many things in advance this year but i still have so much more to do, and no time to do it. i am sure i'm going to forget something important.

the only reason i am taking this time to write right now even though with every word i type, my body and my brain are screaming, "you're wasting precious minutes right now!!" is because i saw my dad for the first time in several years yesterday, and it was a wonderful day.

i really didn't understand what happened to cause us to fall off, and i thought he was mad at me and he thought i was mad at him about something, and while i still don't really know if he was mad at me (he is pretty cagey when it comes to discussing interpersonal issues), i know i wasn't mad at him, just really hurt that he didn't seem to want to talk to me despite talking to my brother sometimes. it turns out that 50% of the issue was that he was trapped in a relationship with a crazy person who he was kind enough to move into his home, who then took complete advantage of him, completely fucked his life up, and left him in stunned disbelief that people were capable of being so awful. our situations were so similar, down to the electricity being cut off.

anyway, i took him to this lunch i've been wanting him to taste for years, which he absolutely loved, and then he wanted to go see my grandmother. it was a really nice visit.

then i took him by work, first the new store and then the old. everyone was still at the old place and they were delighted to meet him and he was delighted to talk to them and see where i worked. they all told him how much they love me and he has the best daughter, especially ER. it was so cute. then he and boss chatted for about 15 minutes and we went back to my apartment, which my dad said was awesome and just a perfect little spot.

it was such a good day. boss texted me to say he was happy to see me so happy.

i know 2018 really tried some people but for me it's just been two thumbs up. i can't believe it.