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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
stomach churning.
2010-05-06 @ 10:12 p.m.
just a thought: something that i hate more than everything is watching a show or a movie in which awkward making out is going on, and it's really loud and smacky and juicy sounding. i was watching this movie the other day called "a bothersome man" and there are two extremely long sequences in which a couple is passionlessly and obnoxiously making out on a train platform. the main character hears and sees this happening and is so disgusted by it that he just jumps in front of a train. his reasons for doing so ran deeper than the obvious grossness of the situation, but it still makes a lot of sense. that's kind of how i feel when this occurs in other films, but i don't have any trains to jump in front of. it must be pms time for me or something ... i'm feeling really lonely and detached. my mind is wandering like crazy and i can't concentrate on anything. i had a huge to-do list for today since i took off of work, and i ended up doing precisely nothing. my face is disgustingly oily and my breath feels short. the boy quit smoking for real this time, i think. it's been 5 or so days since he last had one; maybe 7? but he feels really good about it. really positive this time around. i'm really excited and happy for him, but i also have this really stupid fear that he'll quit for good, then get his teeth done, then be too sexy for me and leave me behind. i know it's really ridiculous, and there's a lot more to our relationship than looks, but i guess when i get huge and bloated and my stomach hurts no matter what i eat, it brings up some dark thoughts. also, and finally, i have been devouring books lately. this getting laid off thing has been pretty great. i work 3 days a week and have so much more free time. now if only i could use it constructively. instead, i'm sitting around on the couch for 12 hours looking at pictures and watching dexter on netflix. fun, but not productive. |