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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
a dry retelling of what`s going on.
2010-08-14 @ 11:17 p.m.
went to the hospital to visit my mom today, and as expected, the first thing she said was, "WHY DID YOU COME ALL THE WAY UP HERE?" not like "oh my goodness i can't believe it, you didn't have to, etc." genuine confusion and disapproval. sorry you're my mom. my next life i'll try to be birthed by less of an asshole. boy got home before me and was sleepy as hell because he stayed with his son last night. he's in bed already. i was excited to see him and watch a movie and talk or something but he passed out before we got to that part. tomorrow he's actually really off, and i'd love to have sex since we haven't done that in weeks. i hate it when they ask him to work weekends because he ALWAYS does it because he needs the money, but then he's a total bear forever. just sleep sleep sleep. every night i go up to bed with him, because he wants me there with him, and i stay with him until he falls asleep. and just now i was watching him breathing, all wrapped up like a burrito, and i was thinking about how much i love him but how much i miss him. i never understood what people were talking about when they said they were too tired or too busy to have conversations and sex and quality time with their spouses, but now i do. his oral surgery is this coming thursday, and i was excited at first because he'd have a few days off, but now i'm not so much because i know the kind of pain he's going to be in, and how miserable he's going to be. i just can't win. august has been really hard. i've lost some weight and fit in a size 14 again. i really feel and look great. even my mom commented (which she never does. she ALWAYS criticizes me) that i looked a lot thinner and more toned. i AM really lucky that i got that figure that's all boobs and butt, but at the same time, the boobs thing is really frustrating because i still need plus sized shirts, and if you've never noticed? plus size style the past few years has been the tent/muumuu. i look pregnant in everything because my boobs make the chest area SO TIGHT and the rest of the shirt is like billowing around like a curtain. it's really frustrating but only makes me more determined to keep losing. i have some really great clothes from a few years ago that i really want to wear again, and i'm going to get in them. i'm excited for something different tomorrow. i want him to turn his phone off so there's no mom, no crazy ex-wife, no ridiculous requests from boss. just us.
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