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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
please don't leave me.
2010-09-06 @ 12:52 a.m.
he was talking to his mother and his sister this morning when i went to join him downstairs, and they were saying that they were going to try to talk his grandmother into letting him stay in the other half of the house and only pay what he can each month, like $500 or something. they're not sure, since the grandmother is hateful and spiteful and can't stand him or his mother, but they're also kind of hopeful, because what is she really going to do? she could call the cops and have him evicted if he was staying there, but that's more trouble than she would want to go to. he's excited to go because it would save him at least $200-250 a week in travel to work, as well as 4 hours of his day, but he said that's the only reason he wants to go there. he said, "my whole life is down here now. i love sleeping with you and waking up next to you and sharing my life with you." it was so hard not to cry when he said that. for so many reasons. much later, just an hour ago actually, we were in bed together, and he made love to me. usually i just refer to it as sex, because we're usually just having fun, but tonight i was kissing him and biting him and blowing him and he wasn't 100% there. but then he grabbed me and rolled me over and got on top and was kissing me so much more intensely than usual. it was slow and sweet, and sooo good as usual. he came really long and hard this time, but instead of rolling over and touching my leg like he normally does, he stayed inside of me, wrapped his arms around me, and just looked into my eyes. i kissed his lips and he kissed me back softly, then he kissed my cheek, so i wrapped my legs around him, crossing my ankles, and kissed his neck. i laid my head back on the pillow and he just touched my hair, looking down, looking sad. i know that in those moments, if he could have, he would have told me he loved me. his eyes said that he didn't want to go. i think we both know, somewhere in the backs of our minds, that he is going to be able to stay in that house, and he's going to have to leave me, and soon, we'll be laying in our own beds, alone. |