honestly, a few things:

- i really dislike kids so much that i'm slightly annoyed when bf's kid comes over - only slightly because i know it makes bf happy kinda*
- psycho ex-wife is doing everything in her power to keep him from coming over here, and i'm a little bit relieved, though i feel horrible because bf is SO upset over it
- i am moderately resentful that the only time bf really cleans anything is when kid is coming over, but i am unemployed so really i should just suck it up and do it myself
- i wish my stupid fucking job that i hated so much didn't lead to my neglect of my diy business because it was doing so well for a while. now, i think, since everyone's doing it, i'm no longer well-known. i'm just one of those dime a dozen "crafters"**

* kinda meaning i can tell he loves this child more than life itself, but he spends way more time being annoyed by his shitty behavior and attitude (wait til he's a teenager, dude) than being happy to see him.
** i hate being referred to as a "crafter." i do not "craft," i do not make things out of popsicle sticks and glue. i am a seamstress, a fiber artist, an amateur chef, an artist. fucking "crafter."

also, i made some homemade THC pills last night. i am going to take one now and see if they work. they are supposed to last at least 8 hours and produce that lovely full body high that only eating the herb can produce. each batch takes 1/8th and makes 24 pills. theoretically, i could then go (almost) a whole month on an 1/8th of weed. the potential savings (and income related) of this deal delight me. will update later with experience and recipe, if it's worth it.

2012-12-17: heavy.
2012-12-15: undertow.
2012-12-14: nothing new.
2012-12-11: so, how was it?
2012-12-06: sex and physical therapy don't mix.



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i am a horrible person. i'm insecure. i'm crass, i'm cruel. i love but i am heartless. i write these things so i never forget who i am. in here, i withhold nothing. i live my life with no filter. this is the ugly, honest, hurtful, barebones, truth. i am not right. i am contagious.

i am trying my hardest to be a better person.