profile entries archives refresh
tinea:any of a number of infectious diseases



�what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux

"i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes

interact

note
email
random entry
image credit


credits

design by : ilazarn ikmal
powered by : diaryland
on being: a douche, fat, and without a working keyboard.
2011-04-02 @ 2:15 p.m.


it's been a rough week.

i wrote last time that he's been so snippy and rude, and it continued on. he's just miserable in his life because the driving is nonstop and he has so little to show for it. not to mention that he makes it about 12 hours through quitting smoking and then fails. i can relate, because sometimes the weight loss thing feels just as defeating and unsurmountable, but i'm going to truck through it. i'm motivated and i know it's possible, just ultra slow.

so anyway. we went out to eat last night because little A's mother is a fucking idiot and told him he could have a sleepover even though she knew it was bf's night to go pick him up (i am convinced she did this on purpose). he didn't want to be a dick and ruin A's time, so you know how that goes. so we went to this indian place nearby and had an amazing meal, and everything was going awesomely. then, we got in the car and started home, and he said some rude shit to me. and when i say this, he wasn't verbally abusing me or anything, i just made a comment and he had a really sarcastic response. so i told him i thought it was rude. we stopped so he could smoke a cigarette and started again, and i made some offhand comment about how cool it was that you can see philadelphia from where we were, and he responded, "yeah. real cool." and at that point, i was like wow. you're being a real douche to me lately, and he claimed his comment was in relation to how not cool it was that he was so far from work, and that he was sorry i took it the wrong way. he way he said it indicated that i was the one being the asshole in the situation, so i told him that he had been mean to me in general lately, and that i didn't appreciate everything i said being responded to with some rude sarcastic shit. to that, he said, "next time i'll be sure to do a little dance or something."

at that point, i had nothing else to say to him, so i didn't, for the whole car ride home. i didn't need a lot of bullshit, just an acknowledgement that my feelings were hurt, regardless of his intention to do so or not.

we got in and i went to sit with him in the basement, but i didn't really say anything. i was still so annoyed. we ended up smoking, speaking again by the end of the night, and sleeping.

today, he's been back to his normal self for the most part. i don't know if he realized how douchey he was being or not, but i guess either way he decided to adjust his attitude.

as much as i love this man, and as much as i want to spend my life with him and his son, i will not have someone make me feel like shit about myself. it's not gonna happen. i've got my mom for that. years and years of that from her. i'd rather be alone than depressed because of someone else.

now to dieting: haven't lost a pound since last time i wrote about it! i need to stop snacking so much. i'm going to order some meal replacement shakes, like medifast or something, to help me deal with snacky moments, since what i am usually craving is chocolate. i'll do liquid lunch (since i skip it SO OFTEN! BAD ME!) and either liquid snack or pudding dessert (you can make it either way). those things are only 100 calories, whereas a stack of oreos is like 300, plus my delicious organic whole milk at 150 per 8oz. too much. throws me off. i want to be -15lbs soon because i want a new lens for my camera sooooooo badly. gotta make it work.

now completely randomly: my keyboard on this laptop has taken a poop. it's been broken a while, but now it's REALLY broken. my v, t, h, c, and sometimes e keys need to be smashed to work, which makes typing everything 3x as long because i type it once, realize it's missing one or more letters, then have to backspace and retype. new one has been overnighted from amazon. wish me luck on not breaking my computer when i try to replace it.