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�what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux

"i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes

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lifted.

2011-05-20 @ 9:17 p.m.

today boy was going on and on about how badly he wants to quit smoking but how hard it is, and how we really need to look into different methods to quit because he's tried chantix and the gum and the lozenge and all of that stuff and it seems like nothing works. and he was saying he was so frustrated because he really doesn't want to do it anymore, but it seems like he can never gain a firm footing on quitting. and he wishes he had never started.

and i said to him, "if you are willing to make the time and the effort for it," and he said "yeah, yeah, because i'm really going to do it this time."

and i said, "i know i don't say a lot of things, and i usually keep things to myself, but i really have to tell you right now that everything, every frustration and aggravation and desire to succeed and feeling of hopelessness that it's out of your control ... all of that stuff is exactly what i'm going through right now in my life."

and he was like, "well yeah, but i mean i've almost quit a couple of times, and that month or so i quit that time, but then i started again ..."

and i was just nodding my head and looking at him, and a look came over his face, and he was like, "oh."

and i said, "so all those times you're feeling impatient and frustrated and wishing it could go faster, i just want you to remember how overwhelmed you feel right now, because that's exactly how i feel, all the time, too. and that any progress that is made, however slow it may be, is worth praise. because now you know how hard it is."

and i think finally, and he looked at me for the first time, finally, realizing. that feeling that you're a piece of shit that you can't just DO IT, something that you see millions of other people doing all the time, all over tv and everywhere. so, he knows what it's like to battle constant failure, but to keep trying. to want to succeed and make someone proud of you. but mostly, to do it for the greater good.

i felt extremely emotional about this because i just got my ghost period today, by way of intense back pain, cramps, and bloated puffy belly feeling. but like i said, sometimes i don't say things when i should. and this had to be said.