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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
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2011-06-06 @ 11:25 a.m.
babysat/hung out with the little person saturday because bf had to work. he and i get along really well, which is a wonderful thing, because i still don't like kids. they're just too loud, too manic, too demanding, too illogical. the list goes on and on. so i'm glad that we're not dicks to each other and that we can have a chill day without major conflicts. we made bf a father's day card together, ate some food, watched tv and played lego batman. decent saturday. sunday, boy took little boy to meet his mother (shocker! can't believe she's been willing to meet him halfway lately) to go home, and then he came home and we just lay like broccoli. smoked our faces off, made a really quick dinner, then had really satisfying but too quick sex. i know it's because he was exhausted, and he totally ensured my enjoyment first, but he was standing up and fucking me as i leaned over the back of the couch and i could tell he was like, "jesus i can't even stand being on my feet right now." i think i'm just going to wait til we get in bed this evening because that's where all the magic happens. the couch just moves around too much and isn't wide enough for our purposes. the weight situation is under control and i'm steadily working toward my personal finish line. i feel really good about things, and i know my limitations. the simple fact of it is, i have only about 2.5 weeks of the month that i'm able to really work out and accurately gauge my weight. anytime my period is here or tapering off, i am bloated and retaining water and always weigh in as more than i really am. in the 3-4 days preceding my period, i have ridiculous cravings and attempt to eat everything in sight. i can't fight it, so i just try to make better choices during that time. i've learned i'm extremely sensitive to excess salt in my diet, particularly during this pre-period few days when i crave it like crazy. when i gave in to the salt cravings a couple weeks ago, i ended up overdoing it and gained 6lbs of water weight overnight. i felt like shit! so now i know better. and at least if i do it again, i will be prepared to flush my system with water and potassium to reduce a little bit of the bloating. random mention of weight because i am now firmly in "onederland" (below 200lbs, finally), and i was all pumped to work out today but i'm afraid to because i don't want to be sore for my day trip on wednesday. i'll probably just do like extra long cardio because that doesn't result in any soreness generally, and now feels really easy to me but still burns a ton of calories. it's so weird how when i first started, i could barely make it halfway through the 10 minute instructional video, then i could barely make it through the 20 minute short workout, then i could barely make it through the 45 minute cardio disc. i stopped doing those videos because i wanted more of a "challenge," meaning, i wanted to feel my muscles being worked a little more. now, a year later, going back to those same videos i began with, i can do two 40 minute cardio workouts back to back. funny how we don't feel our bodies changing sometimes. but anyway, my best friend and i have birthdays exactly a week apart, so she and i are headed to delightful little beach town for hers this wednesday. that's why i don't want to be all sore, because it's a lot of walking. i remember when she and i went to philly to get those sandwiches we saw on man vs food, i had done a leg workout just before it and i could barely walk, let alone get up stairs and rush around the city. so i'd rather not be the party pooper this time around. i can't wait til tattoo weekend, and i can't wait to look at my boyfriend after it's mostly healed to say, "come with me to shop for my first skirt." i also can't wait for tomorrow, because i'm getting a very badly needed haircut. i never take much off, except those rare times that i'm just feeling crazy. but i told the boy, who loves androgyny, that as soon as i'm at my goal weight i'll cut my hair really short again. it's something else to look forward to, and just another way to finally feel comfortable in my body. random disjointed post, but i feel like we haven't spoken in a while. |