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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
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2011-10-02 @ 5:52 p.m.
so yesterday, we went up to storage and were in the best mood ever because of the news from the day before about boy's job. wait. yesterday morning boy told me that yes, he will commit to me now and living here so he'll take over half of the bills and i don't have to stress so much over having money for the mortgage. i was really freaked out about that because it meant i HAD to get a job that paid a certain minimum salary, and in this area there aren't a whole lot of those around. then on top of that, i was extra worried about the fact that boy was going to HAVE to live up north, where the same shit is twice as expensive as it is down here, so i was thinking, how are we going to be able to move up there and live in any kind of comfort whatsoever when i won't make any money from the sale of my house and i'm barely scraping by on my bills as it is. then there's his bad credit, and blah blah. SO MUCH. it was so much. i don't even go into half of what i'm sitting around all day just fucking fretting about because i don't want to spend any more time thinking about it than i already do. THEN ALSO, we were in the garage while boy was having a cigarette with his morning coffee, and he's like, "hey. you are getting really skinny." and i said, yeah! so happy that he told me he noticed, what a confidence booster, and then he's like, "yeah, you're literally half the person you used to be. it's so weird." and yes, it is. the other day i was wondering why my face looked so strange to myself, and i couldn't figure out if it was my hair or my foundation or something about my eyes. and then i realized it's my actual face. there's less of it. my eyes look bigger. my neck looks longer. it's weird. but i'm so happy about it. so anyway. back to the story at hand. so there was that weight off my shoulders of boy saying, yeah now we don't have to move and i'll pay half of the bills. so THEN, i was telling him of my multiple dream careers, most of which he already knew about: opening a store, opening the restaurant, teaching college, being a writer. i was thinking, since i'm still unemployed, why not take advantage of the state programs available, and go back and get my master's? why the hell not? i can go for free and not have to pay it back. he was 100% supportive of me doing all that. finally i said, what do you think about me taking my [handmade] business and making that my job? and he encouraged that the most: start off, get it off the ground, and while you're still getting unemployment see how viable it is as an option. i was just elated by all of this news, and so 100% at ease and in love and feeling fantastic. so then my mom calls us, and we rescheduled this dinner that we were going to have for saturday night so it would be way more convenient (and we'd get to enjoy it sooner; it was at one of our favorite restaurants) for our agenda yesterday. the fact that my mom said yes, let's do it saturday instead was amazing, and we were so happy about that, THEN, during the same phone call she tells me about this program for un- or under- employed people for mortgage assistance. it's up to this huge amount, can be paid for up to 2 years, and if you stay in your house, the longer you remain, the lower interest you pay in proportion. finally, if you stay long enough, the whole thing is forgiven. so i checked the info on it and i meet eligibility 100%. so it's our chance to get our finances together, for me to see if i can make it on my own, and for things to finally start working out the way we've hoped and dreamed for. needless to say, then, you can understand why we were feeling so fantastic on the way to storage. we went up there, got the things accomplished that we had set out to do, and met my parents for delicious dinner. they were actually being decent last night, so we were all just in the best spirits you've ever seen. boy and i got home with a bunch of free groceries from my mom (thanks!) and smoked our faces off. we started talking dirty to each other and he wanted to fool around in the basement, but i'm not into the basement scene, so we went upstairs and we got in bed. i was just so high and so tired that i was almost in a trance or something, like i just felt like i barely had any control over what i was doing. and every sensation was amplified so much, it seemed, by my garbled brain, gasping breaths making me lightheaded, and that weird zombie place that you go into when you're fighting exhaustion. the night was a blur of sitting on his face, then at some point i'm just leaned over with my ass in his face and he's simply delighting in slapping it and jiggling it around, and like, time is lost, and then i remember nothing else but the absolute most intense orgasm, like the first time i discovered female ejaculation is real, and he's all tangled up in my limbs and i can feel that he can't stop cumming either, because he's still attached to me, and i just burst into tears, sobbing, because it was just that ridiculous. and after we could finally move again, he rolls off of me and says, "i'm going downstairs to make some chocolate milk," and i'm like, "yeah right," and the next thing you know he's snoring next to me. then this morning, breakfast together, going through his files, unpacking his things and mixing them with mine. cohabitation. love of my life. good things, good news. i feel so good about everything. |