okay, so first i weighed myself after my afternoon shower, so definitely 55 lbs lost (even though i'll reach a certain number sometimes, i don't officially count it as lost until my water fluctuations are done and it's no longer a fluke measurement).

i came out of the shower, and feeling how super cold it is today compared to yesterday (63 today! so soon!) i decided to try on this puffy sleeved sweatshirt i bought years ago. YEARS ago. i mean, i think i still lived with my mom when i bought it. so fancy my fucking absolute surprise when i put it on and it fit PERFECTLY!! and it's SOOO cute.

i didn't even write about it yesterday, but yesterday i tried on three dresses my friend gave me (the one whose clothes i take when they don't fit her anymore) and THOSE all fit perfectly too. when she first gave them to me a couple months ago i guess? i tried them on and thought, maybe in 10-15lbs. well, i guess that time came because now i have all of these awesome clothes.

i'm so happy about this development. what i'm also so happy about is the fact that i've been sitting here all day doing cost analysis of supplies for my business. i've never felt so happy and alive as i have since boy and i spoke about this and he encouraged me to do it. he's the first person who's treated me AND my business seriously. everyone else has sort of patted my head and treated it as an "oh, how charming!" project i was doing instead of a real, viable business.

i'm going to cook for my parents a couple days this coming week upon request of my stepdad, so i'm also super excited for them to taste what i'm capable of so they'll be more supportive of my plans to become a dietician/nutritionist/whatever i decide. i have a number of amazing recipes i've already created for the cookbook i will write someday, and both of them have separately confided in me that they're uncomfortable with their weight and would love some advice. this is what i need. then, at thanksgiving and christmas, when the rest of the family sees how much i've lost, i'm sure that my plans will go over much, much better, because my parents don't care about anything but the spotlight. when they're like, "wow, everyone seems to be really impressed by [tinea]. they think she might be successful," i know i'll have them.

ah! my goodness. life. it can be awesome, guys, you just have to believe it can be. it's just like anything. if you don't believe it will ever happen, it probably never will.

the life i've always been dreaming of is within my reach. and if it's not, i wouldn't know, since i refuse to take my eyes off the prize.

2012-12-17: heavy.
2012-12-15: undertow.
2012-12-14: nothing new.
2012-12-11: so, how was it?
2012-12-06: sex and physical therapy don't mix.



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i am a horrible person. i'm insecure. i'm crass, i'm cruel. i love but i am heartless. i write these things so i never forget who i am. in here, i withhold nothing. i live my life with no filter. this is the ugly, honest, hurtful, barebones, truth. i am not right. i am contagious.

i am trying my hardest to be a better person.