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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
short.
2011-11-22 @ 3:09 p.m.
i am down to 180 lbs today. actually, it was as of a couple of days ago, once my period bloating went down a bit. but it's a wonderful thing. i am finally on the cusp of just being "overweight." even if i never lose all of the rest of it (i will), i would be really happy to remain overweight forever rather than obese. gotta tell ya, other than the obvious health reasons, it really did bother me to go to the doctor and be told, every time, "you need to lose weight. you could live for several months on your body fat alone." like, not cool. but again, i remain ever thankful that i was born with a great shape, because i could really look terrible at my size. boy and i agreed on christmas presents this year: i will buy him a tattoo, and he will partially restock my wardrobe. i know it's not super exciting or anything, but they're things that we both really want and need. every time we try to get ready to go somewhere, it takes me forever to get dressed because so many of my former go-to items are clownishly large on me now. even my favorite jeans. i've said this before, but when i weighed 175 in college, i was wearing a size 14. i still have all of those clothes hanging in there. but now they're too big! the same goes with so many of my shirts. i was so excited about losing weight and putting on these adorable tops i haven't worn in 5, even 7 years. so i go in there, put them on, and they fit, but my [totally sweet] biceps make the little cap sleeves WAY too tight. so i'm going to just go ahead, do more, lose 40 (50, ultimately) more pounds, but in the meantime, let boy buy me size 10 jeans and some new cardigans. anyway. so we were supposed to have an exciting evening of gaming together, but instead it turned into "let's go to bed early" which turned into naked time. god, it's been forever. but now that all of our silly shit is behind us, we can go back to enjoying each other. and we did. it was almost weird, being cuddled first, being touched and massaged in places that haven't been in a while. taking his hands in my hands. wrapping him around me in bed. and he held me down with his body, and i said, "let me get on top," thinking that i can't squirt unless i'm on top, because that's how it happens 90% of the time. but nope, he won't let me, and instead folds me into a pretzel and makes it happen. multiple times. i stand corrected. wow. it's already time for him to be home, so i'd better get done with this. i slept so well that i didn't wake up til almost noon today. some things are happening that i'm not talking about yet, so i don't have much to say, really. they're all these little pieces of feelings i'm having about this or that, questions about my life that i haven't put together well enough to discuss. i'll get to it soon. for now, time to do more laundry and gather my thoughts. |