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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
trepidation.
2012-02-22 @ 10:56 a.m.
just random update phrases and partial sentences today, because i really can't get into all of it or i'll waste my whole day away writing. i thought boy was being a dick for a while but it was probably a combination of hormones and the fact that he WAS being a dick, but i was blowing it out of proportion. i'm glad i didn't write about it because it wasn't a big deal at all. my brother talked to my mom recently, trying to tell her that she needs to get the fuck off of me. she didn't get the point. i am thankful, though, that my brother is my best friend and i can tell him anything and particularly, that he can speak for me. i have to remember to focus on these things more than the negative things that i am frustrated about. i am reading an online course in seo. i have 3 pretty significant projects running right now, and i'm having a hard time prioritizing. i've always had a hard time with it, really, but i work the best under the gun. we were supposed to have sex last night but i fell asleep. sorry! i'm usually the one who is left awake, so now he knows how it feels. but we went up there, then fucking crazybitch called and ruined the mood, so he said hey let's go smoke again real quick. it was already late as hell, and then those last two hits took me to dreamland. this morning, i woke up surprised that i even made it TO bed. my limbs felt like the heaviest jelly blocks on the first step. anyway. i'm going to go play video games for like ... 30 minutes. then i WILL get to work. i am almost there, almost to the end of project #1. i have to stop being so afraid of failure. and it's so stupid that i can think for even a second that this will fail, because i know it won't. i think sometimes i am afraid more of success. i think it's just because for so many years i've never been allowed to have anything. so now that it is solely MY responsibility, and i can have anything i want, it's a little scary to ask myself for permission. i'm working through it. i will conquer it. |