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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
two things i forgot to mention:
2012-02-29 @ 9:45 a.m.
1. so, while feeling frustrated and annoyed and put upon by that stupid woman yesterday, i was reading the internet trying to refresh my early childhood development knowledge to see if it was normal that little A was telling these crazy lies all the time, and it appears that it's mostly a result of the poor kid's fucked up life. but i ran into something interesting on that search. if you don't care or don't have time to read the article, you should pop over and at the very least check out the diagnostic criteria (i don't want to put much text about it in here so i don't get indexed by search engines), because you pretty much have an exact sketch of everything that crazybitch does on a regular basis. in fact, i was reading some of the examples in each section aloud to boy, and at least 75% of the things in there are exactly what she has done. boy just had this horrified look on his face listening to it because it truly could have been the story of his life. it makes me feel a little bit better that this is a somewhat recognized behavior pattern, and that some states recognize it as child abuse. i don't know what boy plans to do with it, since he can't afford a lawyer, but we'll see. 2. 2 more pounds until [original] goal weight. then i will have lost 75 pounds. i honestly can't believe it. i look so awesome! like seriously. "i will wear my first bikini this summer" kind of awesome. i've learned so much about nutrition and fitness and health and all of that, which is absolutely invaluable. but the biggest thing i've learned is to not take my health and my body for granted. if i had never allowed myself to get here in the first place, i wouldn't have had to spend all of this time getting back. and even though that's totally true, i don't know if i would do it over any differently because i needed this experience to learn what i know now. i'll never let myself go back to being fat. it's just SO not for me. and of course it's different strokes for different folks, but now that i know how GOOD i can feel NOT being fat, i'm going to hang with it, because my life is better in every way. so anyway. my future body plans: 167 today, goal in a couple days. then, i'm not sure how i want to proceed to my ultimate goal of 20% bodyfat, which will put me at 121 lbs (and a total of almost 120 lbs lost). i need to get back into lifting very seriously if i want to make that happen. maybe i'll diet down to 150, then start lifting again? or start lifting now, even though i know i will gain "weight" on the scale. even though i know it's muscle, it's tough psychologically sometimes to see it (which is why i stopped lifting for a while in the first place). i need to decide and have my plan ready for when the time comes (SOON)! but for now, i will be thankful for where i am, and enjoy some more lazy days. |