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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
laugh, and don't worry.
2012-03-04 @ 11:19 p.m.
such a weird feeling, making an excel budget sheet today, putting all of our finances together. he comes home, hands me an envelope of his money. it just evolved into that. and then today i asked if he wanted to be made intimately familiar with the household finances, and he says not really. i trust you with it. which was a funny response because i was more expecting him to not care because of disinterest, because that was a factor too. but i said that yeah, i didn't for a second question whether you trusted me with it or not since you just hand me thousands of your dollars, and he says yeah, i honestly have no idea how much i've even given you. and like after the other night when he told me that a bad thought of me crosses his mind, and now today we're like talking about our savings accounts. i am so happy. so so happy with my best friend. like my heart can barely hold it all. and i just really wish someone had told me as a kid - if you are a good person, and you really follow your heart (and the hardest part will be learning to understand what it's telling you) - things will work out great.� and there's no room for bitterness or jealousy or envy or resentment in your soul. you have to try really hard to stop doing that, and to focus on the GOOD tasks at hand. you can't be sad. you can't afford to be. you will waste so much time on it that you can never get back. if myself as future me could leave this note for past me, i always feel like i would do it in a heartbeat, but how would i have ever made it here? we always want to erase the past and spare ourselves the heartache, but it has been such a defining part of me that forgetting it would leave me a house with no foundation. my body without its skeleton. how would i ever know the value of these precious moments without knowing what life is like without them?� so many good things are happening in life. this is what it feels like to be happy. of course some things could be better, and my brain really wants to focus on those things, but the more i'm able to brush it off as just another part of being me, the less it can get me. take its power away. laugh, and don't worry. |