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 �what is Man? a miserable little pile of secrets.� - andr� malraux "i desire to live in peace and to continue the life i have begun under the motto, to live well you must live unseen." - rene descartes note random entry image credit design by : ilazarn ikmal powered by : diaryland |
create what you truly desire.
2012-03-07 @ 10:56 a.m.
he's been falling asleep super early because of all of the overtime and all of that, so we haven't managed to have sex in a week or so. we both wanted to, and talked about it every day, but he would find that he was just exhausted so rapidly, and once he got sleepy he couldn't make it to bed and stay awake once he got in it. so monday he texted me to ask if my brother was coming over that afternoon, and i responded, "if he's not going to make it tonight, how about you come home, take a shower, and meet me in bed? we can figure dinner out later." so he called later and i told him my brother wasn't coming til the next day. and he didn't address the text at all until we were almost about to go. he said his boss had just asked him if he was going to do overtime, and he'd told him that he wasn't sure until he got that text, but then he read it and decided that actually? absolutely not. he was going right home. of course the guy asked if that text had anything to do with his decision, but he's enough of a gentleman to say yes and no more. so he came home and we chatted and he took a shower and we smoked a little and we were sitting there, and he just said, "come on," and we got up and went. we went upstairs, he stripped immediately, and i kept my shirt. we just went for it. it was wild and ridiculous. originally, last week, he called me one day and said he wanted a super long blowjob. so now that it was finally time, i was so excited about it and gleefully got to it. he couldn't handle it for too long, though, and was soon grabbing me by the arms, pulling me up and into this lap. oh, the feats of athleticism! being so much thinner now is pretty much the best thing ever. he's thrusting, nearly propelling me into the air, and my boobs are bouncing around, and he's looking up at me, super happy, and in that moment i was thinking, "wow, this is fantastic!" but also, "wow! it's SO NICE to be able to enjoy this moment and not feel self-conscious!" so of course i was so happy too. because i'm feeling his hands touching me all over, and where there used to be a back roll or a love handle was just now smooth and tight, and i hear him, "yes! SO HOT!" and yes, i know. that's just what i was thinking. he holds me close, smashing my face into the pillows and his shoulder and this stupid mustache he's growing, then rolls me over and is kissing my neck and we're looking into each others' eyes, panting and laughing and giggling. because he always makes me say things when he knows i'm out of breath - a favorite thing to do - and he always loves trying to move my floppy, wet noodle limbs when he knows i'm overwhelmed and can't move them myself. and i've always loved the way he presses himself into me, wanting my legs to be tightly wrapped around him, and my lips have to be right next to his ear, and then it seems like he's cumming for like 20 minutes, but that's okay because i'm paralyzed, too. and ah, this man in my bed, in my body! and when he can finally move again, he sits up and caresses me, now with a sly smile and chuckle on his lips, and he takes my hands in his, which i think is so sweet. we're both completely naked, and i'm not laying there thinking that i need a sheet to cover up, i'm laying there looking up at the face i love so much, thinking ... nothing at all. just feeling so good, feeling so happy. not a worry in the world. a fantastic appetizer. and all of that on the tail of speaking to best friend, and getting things going for a project that she and i are working on. it's the other big one, #2 on the list. i let it fall down to #3 while i worked on #1, but she just popped back into the foreground and this thing is COMING. i am so excited, watching as my dreams are coming true. what a turnaround in my life. it used to be so bad and so dark, and there were so many years before that that it was even worse. it won't always be that way unless you make it so, i promise you. when your heart tells you it's time for action, take it. stop being afraid. things will only change if you change them. that's the hardest lesson i've learned, and the hardest thing to change about myself. i'm the queen of fear and inaction. well, i used to be. now, these days, i believe you can grow out of almost anything. so anyway. he comes home yesterday, too, and my brother was going to be late showing up. so we're sitting on the couch, reading a menu, and he asks if i'm going to order chicken or steak in my thai noodle bowl, and i say, "probably steak, because i like meat." and then, "well you'll love this," and whoosh, naked in the living room, hoping the neighbors can't see through the blinds (they probably can a little, but we like it). we finally head out to pick up the food an HOUR later, and my brother calls from just around the corner, wondering how the hell we could have gotten "sidetracked" (my word) for that long. i just said, "you know how these things happen." aha. while in the car on the way to the food, we're still kind of like, whew! but starving. (we almost had to stop in the middle of sexytime earlier because he was so hungry it was distracting, but i refused to let that happen.) he's like hurry up, hurry up! to get there, and i was like hey! i know. i'm hungry, too! but dinner will taste even better now, so it was worth it. and he just says, yeah. that was awesome. that was so good. all night, "that was great." in the car we were chatting about finances and whatnot, and now that we're sharing them, it's much less of a burden to me, and we can now afford to do more fun stuff. and he tossed a little marriage reference in there, but i caught it. and i was so happy he thinks about it as much as i do. he was talking about a conversation he'd had earlier at work, too, and referred to my brother as his brother in law. he gives himself away all the time. but it just makes my heart so happy that it's assumed, it's expected, it's the future. we just have to get there. his crazy ex just has to let go. but it's all in time. i am a well of patience. but i won't pretend like i don't already have my ring picked out :) now, must go. i have a huge day planned with my brother. i love his wife so much, but i like it when she's not here, too, because we can be how we used to be when we were kids. stupid fucking hijinks, cursing like sailors, making the worst faces you've ever seen, staying up all night, slapping shit out of each others' hands. there are so many things i miss about back then, but there are so many absolutely amazing things about now. i never could have imagined how full my life would be. |